Monday eve
Just feel like writing a bit tonite - I am so angry today. Angry that Jennifer isn't here with me sitting on this couch. Angry that my life is what it is. Angry that I am not feeling blessed at what I do have. Just angry. Angry that I smile or listen to a friend complain about their kids wishing the whole time that I had a kid to complain about. Angry of trying to be the "better person". Angry that I'm a different person now - I don't even know who I am sometimes. Angry that I can hear my mom's voice saying "keep going", don't be depressed, God loves you....just in the moment tonite of being Angry - And yet I have so much to be thankful for but the very thing I was always so grateful for was my daughter - good, bad and the ugly of our relationship sometimes, I was thankful, grateful I was her mom....now tonite I am fighting to find my identity....Angry that I'm in that position...Always Jennifer's mom but she's not here.....back to angry again.
I could go on and on but I won't---I've said enough! Thanks sisters of the heart for being here because this sister depends on you being there!! Vicki
I could go on and on but I won't---I've said enough! Thanks sisters of the heart for being here because this sister depends on you being there!! Vicki
Replies
I completely understand, Vicki. I think I may have mentioned before that I truly feel an identity crisis after having lost my only child. I do not have a living child to mother. Am I still a mother? I know I am yet without my child here it seems empty. I have the anger too and I hear you. You are not crazy. You have every right to be angry. This is just wrong! Jennifer should be here! Hugs and Much love, Linda
Anger is one of the many emotions we have to go through. I have been angry enough to kick a wall out. Of course I would only break my foot, so what good would that do?? We have been to Hell & back. We have earned the right to feel whatever we feel!! This is the best and saf\'est place to vent. I have felt like I am crazy some times too and may very well be. It is what it is!!!
((((HUGS))))....Julia