Monday-day 35

It has been 35 days since I had a smoke.  Didn't even want one at all this weekend.  I feel super tired and achy today.  I went to bed early last night and still couldn't get up this morning.  I am blaming it on the rainy weather....which I am not going to complain about because California needs the rain.  Still, I could just put my head down on my desk and go to sleep.

He was drinking Saturday night and we got into a fight about how much and what toppings to put on the pizza. What a stupid thing to fight about....but it's just a symptom of the real issues.  He chose not to eat after that..which means he drank his calories.  On Sunday, we only spoke when absolutely necessary.  I spent most of the day working on my final project.  I made pretty good progress.  I am super sick of this life that we have together.  I don't think it is so wrong to want affection and kindness from the person I share my life with.  This is another one of those circles that I recognize in my life.  Part of it is that he knows when he has pushed me too far and will make up for it for a while.  I might be slow, but I DO learn eventually.  I shouldn't have to push to receive attention or be afraid that I will just be told I am being too clingy again.  When I think about living alone again, I feel scared..but i DO realize I am pretty much alone anyway.  Sadly, in buying this car, I may have made it impossible to afford to live on my own now.