Monday August 15 2011

Another Monday, overslept I feel behind on everything although with school out for a couple of weeks it's almost like being on vacation.  Trying to catch up on things I have been neglecting with my hectic schedule.  Find myself screwing off at work today.  What's my problem?  A little down and lonely today I guess.  Kind of dumb really. 
Not sure how I really feel about going away this weekend...our friends keep texting how they can't wait to go...the men are super excited.  They act like it's going be some kind of double date weekend.  Maybe.......
but here's how those things usually end up....usually they end up fishing all day and are irritated if I don't want to go...I wouldn't mind except they usually go somewhere much higher up and earlier there was still so much snow on the ground it was too cold to be any fun.
and then later...everyone will be drunk or drinking...except me of course...gee that sounds like fun.
Am I too hard on them/him because I have no tolerance for alcohol? Maybe...I mean I guess I could say I didn't want to go..  But I do want to go...just don't want to deal with the drinking.
Even if he is not mean when he's drinking it's still creeps me out because it's like he's a totally different person...he actually gets sloppy mushy...which is sadly usually my first sign he has been drinking since he rarely wants to hold me when he hasn't been.
How unfair am I?  Im an over 40..not that cute to begin with, rounding in the middle, anxiety freak.  He probably has to drink to live with me.
talking with a friend today...started thinking about Arizona.  Some days it just hits me like a ton of bricks...I get all homesick



I look forward to catching up with you.

((hugs)) Patricia