Monday...Again sept 12th 2011
It's Monday again....I am sure just the start of another lonely week. I still have my guard up after saturday's incident. It's funny because since I am not mad this time...I just have nothing to say and if you can't say anything nice lol....
I feel like I am on the outside looking in...watching him and the little things he does to try and make up after he's been a drunk ass.
Last night, knowing that I love corn on the cob but don't like to eat it that way...he cut all the corn off ahead of time and told the kids that was my plate....acting like it's no big deal when he knows I don't really have anything to say...I mean I say thank you...it's not that I don't speak to him at all...just only if it's something necessary to say...which isn't much.
I feel very down..and sick to my stomach..not like in I am getting sick...just scared to change anything in my life...I know he's not going to change...I am trying to face it. I have no one I can turn to...my mother is more like the child now and I avoid calling her ...she frustrates me and I want that person I used to lean on back. My brother and I have never been close and the minute I try to be open with him he'll just start telling me what I HAVE to do...while making it perfectly clear that he has no time to help me.
Once when we both live in the same city and my truck broke down I called him for help...he told me he couldn't cause he'd be late for work...that's my brother. Semper fi my ass..when he acts like that I hate to even admit he was a marine...lol
No, I am on my own..what I am going to do about that I have no idea...my mom moved closer to me presumably so I could take care of her...I am in no position to do that....that strong tough girl that used to take care of everything is just not available anymore.
I feel like I am on the outside looking in...watching him and the little things he does to try and make up after he's been a drunk ass.
Last night, knowing that I love corn on the cob but don't like to eat it that way...he cut all the corn off ahead of time and told the kids that was my plate....acting like it's no big deal when he knows I don't really have anything to say...I mean I say thank you...it's not that I don't speak to him at all...just only if it's something necessary to say...which isn't much.
I feel very down..and sick to my stomach..not like in I am getting sick...just scared to change anything in my life...I know he's not going to change...I am trying to face it. I have no one I can turn to...my mother is more like the child now and I avoid calling her ...she frustrates me and I want that person I used to lean on back. My brother and I have never been close and the minute I try to be open with him he'll just start telling me what I HAVE to do...while making it perfectly clear that he has no time to help me.
Once when we both live in the same city and my truck broke down I called him for help...he told me he couldn't cause he'd be late for work...that's my brother. Semper fi my ass..when he acts like that I hate to even admit he was a marine...lol
No, I am on my own..what I am going to do about that I have no idea...my mom moved closer to me presumably so I could take care of her...I am in no position to do that....that strong tough girl that used to take care of everything is just not available anymore.
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