Missing Gene

Sunday afternoon and no ambition to do anything.  That means my mind goes straight to Gene and how much I miss him.  I wish I was stronger and could handle all this better than I am.  It's been one year and 8 months since he's been gone and just as I loved him more each day when he was alive, I miss him more each day now that he's gone.  It still feels so unreal sometimes.  I just want to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep so the pain will go away. I try, I really do.  I try to be strong and brave, but sometimes I just don't have the energy left in me to deal with all this.  I have decided to put the tree up this year.  My son and his friend will get it out of the attic for me tomorrow afternoon and we'll get it decorated tomorrow night.  I know it's going to be hard but I just feel I need to do it.  As the tears fall, my heart breaks.  I know I will never be the same again as I was when Gene was with me.  No one will ever be able to take his place and my heart will ache for him forever.