Miscarriage
I am so, so sad, devastated and heartbroken that I had a miscarriage. I never thought I could feel the depth of pain that I am feeling. I didn't know I could cry the amount of tears that I cried today. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I went in for my usual Tuesday morning sonogram and "lucked out" in that I had my sono performed by a brand new doctor to the practice, who was very kind and had awesome bedside manner (unlike most of the other doctors at the clinic). He told me the baby had not grown since last week, it was only measuring one day of growth, not a week. Then he said he couldn't find the heartbeat. At this point, I lost it and asked him if he was sure and if he's trying to tell me I miscarried. He said, yes, I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage. I felt like someone shot me in the chest (not that I actually know what that feels like). I sobbed uncontrollably but the doctor and nurse were very nice and they let me stay in the room for almost an hour while I tried to compose myself. I was alone, which of course made this even worse but I called DH and he left work and rushed to be with me. We spent the day at home crying and consoling each other and just feeling this overwhelming sense of loss. I know a lot of you have gone through this, some of you more than once and I have no idea how you found the strength to pick yourselves up and carry on. My heart breaks for so many of our losses and so much of our struggles. I am scheduled for a D&C on Friday so they can be sure to remove everything and also so they can test the fetus and find out what happened (although we are all pretty sure given my age, it was a chromosonal issue). Still, I want them to test so I can get some closure, I need to know. I'm staying on the progesterone until Friday so they can help make sure this doesn't pass on its own. Also, they are going to do an ultrasound just before the D&C, just to confirm that there really is no heartbeat and no growth (they offered this to me, as I kept asking if they were sure, just not able to accept it yet I guess). I really would rather do the D&C on Thursday, but it works out much better for DH to do it Friday so what's one more day. Hopefully I won't pass this on my own and can hold out until Friday.
I want to thank you for all of the hugs, support and kindness. It really means a lot to me and I appreciate all of it. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can say or do right now that comforts me. I know you all understand that. Love to all xoxoxo
I want to thank you for all of the hugs, support and kindness. It really means a lot to me and I appreciate all of it. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can say or do right now that comforts me. I know you all understand that. Love to all xoxoxo
Replies
I am so, so sorry you have to go through this:(. xoxo
OMG I just saw this and I\'m so so sorry! Words can\'t express the sadness I feel just reading what you are going through. It\'s almost worse to get preggo and lose something you had so much hope for than not get preggo at all. It\'s so not fair and I will never understand why all of us have to go through this when we all would be amazing mothers. My heart goes out to you and in your time of healing. XOXO
I broke into tears when I read this I am so very sorry for your loss I am sending tons of prayers and hugs
I know this isn\'t new information to me. but I am still so sorry for your loss.