Minor rant
There's no 'ok' way to lose a child. The sudden accidents and medical disasters are terrible because there was no warning BUT at least the kid didn't suffer too long, and the long drawn-out cancer experiences are terrible because everyone suffered BUT you get to hold your child and say good-bye. I'm sorry, it's all too horrible. We can never have this child back.
I know that women who miss their beloved partners can never replace that exact person and were truly joined by spirit so without diminishing that loss I ask what could possibly be worse than losing a child and my answer is nothing. Yet we keep living with the loss, and as things like New Year's Eve come along it's hard to feel hopeful. I'm NOT hopeful that this year it will hurt less or that I'll get used to not seeing Andy. It's still SO not ok with me.
Friends who complain that their child is away for 3 months or a semester have no idea what it's like to have one year pile on top of the last... year after year... I'm beginning to understand why it only hurts more with time. Who wants to go this long... and then longer... without seeing your child? It only gets sadder and harder. And like a f***ing graph with lines going in the opposite direction, people think that I'm getting over it and getting used to it. I think I'll actually make this graph! Stay tuned. Don't worry about me, I'm just ruminating on NYE. Most of the time, I'm pretty good at feeling the essence of Andy with me. But at the cusp of a new year, there's no way to measure how much I miss him.
hugs. xoxox
I know that women who miss their beloved partners can never replace that exact person and were truly joined by spirit so without diminishing that loss I ask what could possibly be worse than losing a child and my answer is nothing. Yet we keep living with the loss, and as things like New Year's Eve come along it's hard to feel hopeful. I'm NOT hopeful that this year it will hurt less or that I'll get used to not seeing Andy. It's still SO not ok with me.
Friends who complain that their child is away for 3 months or a semester have no idea what it's like to have one year pile on top of the last... year after year... I'm beginning to understand why it only hurts more with time. Who wants to go this long... and then longer... without seeing your child? It only gets sadder and harder. And like a f***ing graph with lines going in the opposite direction, people think that I'm getting over it and getting used to it. I think I'll actually make this graph! Stay tuned. Don't worry about me, I'm just ruminating on NYE. Most of the time, I'm pretty good at feeling the essence of Andy with me. But at the cusp of a new year, there's no way to measure how much I miss him.
hugs. xoxox
Replies
I only know how is feels to suddenly be told my child is dead. No warning, no preparation, no saying goodbye. I never compare my loss to anyone else\'s. Just as my experience was unique, so was everyone\'s loss. The New Year also does not hold the feeling to good things coming but of more difficult days grieving for my son. I hope everyday that I will somehow fake my way through what is to come. This FMO sharing is where we can vent and tell our truths. Maybe in years to come, I will be more optimistic...Thanks for being so honest. Hugs, Debbie
Hi Sarah, I wasn\'t sure what to write when I first read this awhile back...I\'ve been ruminating lately about the concept of \"Moderation in Everything.\" Part of the problem with the pain of grieving is, \"like tends to respond with like.\" As you said, the absolute worst has happened to us. Our child transitioned before us. We are furious inside (initially for sure!) So if \"like responds to like\"...we are EXPECTED to be furious right back! It might \"feel\" right, but exhausts us so...
When I was in heavy labor, the pain was out of this world. The doctor was surprised when he checked some kind of labor intensity meter (scream meter?) He said it was off the charts...Yet I didn\'t scream or yell or that kind of thing. Why not? Because I knew that was not going to lessen that pain or speed it up. What it WOULD do would be to tire me out even further. So I just resolutely carried on knowing that sooner or later, the pain was going to come to an end. I didn\'t like how it felt while I was going through it, but struggling against reality, was ultimately just too exhausting.
Hoping that you\'re back to sensing dear Andy\'s essence once again! He\'s definitely around...fiery Andy can\'t be kept back... from how you\'ve so wonderfully described him! Only a dimension away...
and YOU are another day, another step closer to embracing him once again... and this time they\'re not getting away!!! Love, Donna