Message I want to send my wife - This cross you give me to bear
If you tell the truth and have ended things with him, then I apologize for my pain from it remaining with me. If that is the honest truth then you must ignore this message and find it within your heart to allow me the time to come to know that is the truth.
If not then read on and know my pain and suffering will not end after divorce. Nor will your part in it. How do you expect me to feel every time I hear about him from you or the boys? Seeing you with him in the future, perhaps at a basketball or baseball game will be like talons tearing at my heart.
You ask me to bear this in silence and acceptance of you. You are the one I have loved above all others in my life. ALL OTHERS. My emotions ran deep and true, always without interruption. God saw us joined with vows and in acknowledgement of His Holy Word. Our commitment and love were a gift from Him, and then became embodied in the lives of Kyle and Kent. The expectations of our receiving this gift and the subsequent vows sworn by us are announced with clarity in the Bible. You may be able to put all this knowledge aside for yourself. You may be able to be with him and see me at an event and not see this burden I bear... and convince yourself that it was somehow all for the best. It makes me wonder. Do you somehow believe that God guided you away from this marriage to a devoted Christian husband and father and thus break up a loving, secure family to find someone who would betray vows and responsibilities to his own wife, daughter, congregation, and God and then cover everything with deception that continues even now? Do you believe God would bless such a thing? He works in mysterious ways but not in ways that betrays His own Word. Truly this series of events is abhorrent to God and the delight of Satan.If Ronnie is to show me his character is worthy to be in a position to influence my children he needs to repent. Repentance matches actions showing a change of ways to the Lord to the praying for forgiveness. His wife needs to know everything, not just what you think I know or less. I hope for his sake, her sake and even your sake he does this, but all indications from his lack of moral dedication are that it will never happen. Nor will I simply put faith in it being said it has happened. How would you feel to find out after Christian and Savannah are married that she did this same thing to him? That this happened to Collin, Kyle or even Kent if they ever entrust their hearts to a woman? Perhaps you should share this message with him, so that he can peek into the heart of the man that you and he have forever impacted with your actions.Yet you put this cross on me to bear. I know that you expect this to pass for me, and I should forgive and forget and move on somehow. For someone who has been vocal in conversations during our 15 years together that this kind of behavior was so disgusting to you as in Regina's husband's case, you are eager to have me to accept all this and possibly even give my blessing. I just wanted to express what it is that you are truly expecting of me.
Lately my pain and anguish has diminished my resolve to filter my words to you. I have been relegated to being a man with gaping emotional wounds and this has causes me to speak in a fashion you’ve never expected. For this I am sincerely sorry. It seems everything in my life is being ripped from me, and I know all I truly have is my faith and my honor. My honor is tied to my actions, not yours, and I am accountable to it. No matter my words and actions due to my broken heart and crushed dreams I pray you know me well enough over the years to know and trust that I will always do my very best for you and be an honorable man.
I will bear this cross you give me, my love.
If not then read on and know my pain and suffering will not end after divorce. Nor will your part in it. How do you expect me to feel every time I hear about him from you or the boys? Seeing you with him in the future, perhaps at a basketball or baseball game will be like talons tearing at my heart.
You ask me to bear this in silence and acceptance of you. You are the one I have loved above all others in my life. ALL OTHERS. My emotions ran deep and true, always without interruption. God saw us joined with vows and in acknowledgement of His Holy Word. Our commitment and love were a gift from Him, and then became embodied in the lives of Kyle and Kent. The expectations of our receiving this gift and the subsequent vows sworn by us are announced with clarity in the Bible. You may be able to put all this knowledge aside for yourself. You may be able to be with him and see me at an event and not see this burden I bear... and convince yourself that it was somehow all for the best. It makes me wonder. Do you somehow believe that God guided you away from this marriage to a devoted Christian husband and father and thus break up a loving, secure family to find someone who would betray vows and responsibilities to his own wife, daughter, congregation, and God and then cover everything with deception that continues even now? Do you believe God would bless such a thing? He works in mysterious ways but not in ways that betrays His own Word. Truly this series of events is abhorrent to God and the delight of Satan.If Ronnie is to show me his character is worthy to be in a position to influence my children he needs to repent. Repentance matches actions showing a change of ways to the Lord to the praying for forgiveness. His wife needs to know everything, not just what you think I know or less. I hope for his sake, her sake and even your sake he does this, but all indications from his lack of moral dedication are that it will never happen. Nor will I simply put faith in it being said it has happened. How would you feel to find out after Christian and Savannah are married that she did this same thing to him? That this happened to Collin, Kyle or even Kent if they ever entrust their hearts to a woman? Perhaps you should share this message with him, so that he can peek into the heart of the man that you and he have forever impacted with your actions.Yet you put this cross on me to bear. I know that you expect this to pass for me, and I should forgive and forget and move on somehow. For someone who has been vocal in conversations during our 15 years together that this kind of behavior was so disgusting to you as in Regina's husband's case, you are eager to have me to accept all this and possibly even give my blessing. I just wanted to express what it is that you are truly expecting of me.
Lately my pain and anguish has diminished my resolve to filter my words to you. I have been relegated to being a man with gaping emotional wounds and this has causes me to speak in a fashion you’ve never expected. For this I am sincerely sorry. It seems everything in my life is being ripped from me, and I know all I truly have is my faith and my honor. My honor is tied to my actions, not yours, and I am accountable to it. No matter my words and actions due to my broken heart and crushed dreams I pray you know me well enough over the years to know and trust that I will always do my very best for you and be an honorable man.
I will bear this cross you give me, my love.
Replies
SMH, all I can say is I\'m so sorry you are having to deal with this. my heart goes out to you. I have my suspicions of my own wifes personal life but do not have to deal with a new man in the picture, yet... 2 years ago when she wanted a separation she did let a man move into my home with my children and had the audacity to make me meet him because in her words was going to be in their lives. I never felt so sick.. now she isn\'t making that mistake yet but. knowing how hard I try to talk to her now and it being like talking to an empty shell I fear what you have written. prayers to you my friend. tj
I\'m sorry. I feel your pain. Thinking of you.
A part of me died the other night. I do still feel deep love for my wife. I also feel overwhelming pain. But a part of me is missing that I\'ve been struggling with. It was a good part, and I will mourn it\'s passing. That part was hope for reconciliation. It is gone now, and I am changed forever for that.
I am sorry for your pain. I can tell you that for many of us, myself included, there is a prolonged period of mourning the loss of our dreams, and our lives as we had hoped for them to be. But, this is followed by a gradual awakening of who our ex\'s or STBX\'s really are, an increase in our self-respect and self-reliance, and an awareness of being better off. That does not happen quickly or overnight, and for those of faith, includes growing even closer to God. Then, for some of us, we become indifferent to the new man or new woman and to our Ex\'s actions and antics.
I realize that also involves impacts to our children, and helping them navigate this horrible process. They tend to do okay and adjust quickly, and do even better if we don\'t bash the Ex, etc.
Then, one day, we meet someone truly wonderful, of strong faith and strong character. We have worked on ourselves and healed and become whole, and so are whole in our availability to be a partner. The person we meet is the same, and is also strong and faithful and deserving of our love. This is hard to even imagine in the phase/state that you are in, and with initial damage to self-esteem, etc. I can only tell you it has happened for me and others. Have faith. Have hope for better things. Love your children and God. You will get through it and be better off down the road.
Prayers for blessing and comfort.
Everyone\'s kind words give me hope of a better day for me. Thank you for taking the time to extend me this support. I especially appreciate the prayers as I know there is power there to help my children and me find healing. Please also include my confused and misguided, though still very precious to me wife.
Dear Friend,
Your journal entry today has brought me to tears this morning. And after the two years of crying my eyes out due to the OW, I didn\'t think that I had any left. My heart has become hardened through the lies & betrayal.
Why don\'t you send it to her? What would you have to lose? Maybe it is something that can linger around in her mind for awhile.
Prayers for you & your whole family. My heart hurts for you. Remember that you are not alone. Many of us here are down that same road just different paths & places, but still the same road. ... Hold onto your faith as it will pull you through. You know that this is NOT God\'s doing.
Thoughts & prayers, TCB