Merry Memory ...

Tomorrow is one of my son's favorite days. He loved Christmas just like his grandpa and Nana did. All 3 of whom celebrate in heaven now. 
I've written many times that I had a major career change when my son Randy Lee passed away. From elementary education to psych rehab ~ seems like a huge jump, but not really. Many of my years in education were spent in kindergarten and that old saying "everything I needed to know in life I learned in kindergarten" is oh so very true. 
I do what I do now, even on the most difficult days to honor my son. My son was one of the most loving, giving, helpful people I've ever known. To his dying day quite literally he was helping friends. Today, I take that giving heart and use it to help others. 
I work with some of the poorest of poor yet in some ways they are quite wealthy. They are always the first to step up and help one another or others. They will take literally the last $1 from their pocket so someone else won't go without. It's a lesson I never get tired of seeing. It warms the heart and opens the soul. 
I've been asked so many times "why do you do all of this for us" or "why do you work holidays" to "I'm thankful for all you do". Working a holiday in a rehab center will give you new insight into what the real meaning of the holiday is. Giving ... helping ... comforting ... loving ... being good to one another. If we all did half of what we put into the holidays what a better place this earth would be. 
I was fortunate to grow up in a big family where holidays were always grand. I'm not talking just presents but wonderful home cooked meals, family and friends sharing time together, spending time together, homemade memories ... all those things we all love ... and after a death sometimes hate. I take pride in making holidays nice for the people I work with because for me ... and I know for Randy Lee ... they were amazing memories. Not everyone is so lucky. 
So, home cooked big meals, yummy cookies, eggnog, hot cocoa, Christmas Eve movies as a "family", presents even the silly ones, family ... friends .... caring .... spending time together. It matters to me to know that even if just this year ... they know they are special and that someone cares. That's my gift. It's also my tribute to 3 very special people in my life and 1 of whom is forever my heart. My Grandma, Randy Lee's Nana who made my childhood wonderful. A life long lesson that there's always that bit of kid in each of us that needs to celebrate no matter our age. My dad who taught me that sometimes being humble and admitting we don't have all the answers or make the best choices simply make us human. Of course, my sweet Randy Lee ~ who taught me love. Love to a level that I never knew possible ... who even though we were so alike we butted heads A LOT that no matter what I could love no other as much as I love him. Life long lessons. 
So, as much as I don't look forward to this time of year personally I still make the effort. Not for me ... to honor Randy Lee. I know if he were still here on earth he would be doing similar work. He would be taking time, taking part of him to let others know they matter and someone cares. That is the gift he gave me ~ knowing that level of selflessness and trying to live up to it. 
It's not been a wonderful year. I've struggled a good bit this year ... the last 3 months but I'm still standing. I'm still here and I'm still doing work in Randy Lee's honor. 
I've sadly taken a trait of my husband's and procrastinated on a gift mailing but I'm going to be sure I do that even though it's going to be late. People are placed in our lives, us in theirs at the exact moment we each need it most and always, always, always for a reason. For that ~ I am grateful as I look at my little NC angel and smile. 
So, take a moment this week and make a difference to someone. Someone you know ... someone you miss from your life ... a stranger ... just pay it forward in honor of your loved one. It's a heart hug that feels amazing. 
Merry, Merry Christmas to everyone. May you have a moment when you feel that warmth that allows you to know your special angel is right there with you smiling.... :)   (((hugs)))