May 28th 2011

Yesterday was his birthday and tues the oldest graduates from 8th grade so I will have a houseful this weekend.  I try thinking about it in good light but having so many people in the house grates on my nerves and there is no where I can be private and alone.  It is good to see them all but in truth they are his friends and family and if we were to separate I'm sure I would never see any of them again.  They are good people and always treat me as family but still I know that remaining close to them if we were apart would be awkward at best.  The truth is i'm still a loner no matter who is around me. I prefer the quiet of my books or knitting to the small talk and drinking.  There always has to be drinking.  I have never understood the appeal of it.  It's not like I have never had a drink...I mean i've gone through my phases where I've had a few hanging with friends.  It never lasted long...for one thing I get sick long before any of the fun effects begin.  Also,  I hate the feeling of not being in control.  What if there were an emergency?  I know I have some baggage there being the adult child of an alcoholic.  The older I get the less tolerance I have for it.  Now, living with another alcoholic(and how the hell did that happen any way?) I can't seem to tolerate it at all.  I find myself being resentful that it is a three day weekend and it will be a houseful of people and mess to clean up...not very charitable of the occasions I know.  I never said I was a good person.  time to get in the shower and face the day...maybe i'll get more time to write later without people trying to look over my shoulder.