March 16 ~ the day my heart shattered

15 years. Its been 15 years since i heard those words "Randy died". I remember the words,  i remember hearing a scream then dropping to my knees. My heart shattered. 

I've struggled for weeks with this angelversary. 15 keeps flashing in my head,  eating at me. Randy Lee was 18 yrs old when he passed and now its been 15 yrs. He's been gone almost as long as I had him. That's doesn't seem possible. 

I do believe we are all on the paths we walk from the events of our life. Good or bad, pot holes or hills, obstacles. My path isn't what i expected but it has led me to people in thankful i know,  a career i love and being able tho give back as well as pay it forward as often as i can. I need to remember the why of it all and to strive to make a difference every day. 

Today didn't go as expected and i know i can't change it but i can change tomorrow. I can pay it forward in Randy Lee's honor and hope it makes a difference for someone else. 

Randy Lee was, is, always will be my heart & soul. He was the sweetest,  kindest,  loving boy. He was the best prankster ... the best laugh ... tightest hugs ... he was an amazing son, any amazing person. His bad choices don't define him,  then or now. I'd give anything to take on all his pain, his hurt but i can't. I'm walking a path we're all on,  one we all would give our own life if it meant our loved one wouldn't die. We're all meant to fulfill a task in life then we go ... heaven, or wherever you believe ... our kids finished their mission before we did. I go on because that's my belief on being able to see him again. My heart is still broken,  i still cry and days i feel lost but today i am celebrating the 18 years i had Randy Lee in arms reach, 15 yrs I've had him watching over me. I strive to tell his story to help others, to be kind to others and to make a difference that he would.  Randy Lee ~ I love you with all my heart & soul, always have,  always will- 143. Forever Randy Lee's mom. 

Take a minute and be kind. Pay it forward - hold a door open,  buy a coffee,  give a compliment,  praise someone ... your gesture could make a person feel like they matter.