Made it through the night...
Last night was by far the hardest night of my life...thus far... I made it through, I stayed strong and didn't completely cave... All I could think about was taking a lot of pills, drinking in excess, punching a wall and hurting myself... The first two are bad in themselves...but worse for me as I used to OD frequently & I'm still struggling with alcoholism.. I was so angry, hurt, and lost last night.. I couldn't stop crying, I fell apart and hit a new low.. But I didn't take pills, I didn't drink, I didn't punch a wall (I punched my pillows) and I didn't hurt myself. I'm honestly proud of myself for making it through the night...but that doesn't mean today has been any easier.. I still feel helpless & hopeless, still lost & upset.. But I made it through last night, and although I don't feel like I can fight anymore..I know I can't quit either.. Thank you to everyone on DS, I received so much support & love last night..it really helped me get through the night <3
Replies
Dear love, I am so sorry to know that you experienced this low spell and pleased I am to know that you fought hard during this battle. I am proud of you as well for making it through the night; this show guts and courage! Keep in mind that it is the person you hope to be that\'s inside of you helping and urging you to keep going, and this person will always be there, no matter what. Please keep that concrete thinking going on and you will get through those low process of moods. My love and great feelings of comfort is with you today.
Thank you Lauryn, hearing that really helps in these trying times and I am definitely going to keep that thought concrete in my mind. I have a feeling I will return to your comment in future hard times when I need a pick me up.. As the days continue it gets harder and harder to get through the day laughing.. My best friend said to me this morning \"you look really tired..but not in the got no sleep kind of way, more the was up for hours crying and slept 7 hours..\" And all I could muster up saying was \"your spot on\".. I love my best friend, she knows me so well..but it\'s not easy to hear that your depression shows on the outside as well... I\'m trying to keep strong & your comment has helped me a lot. Thank you so much my love, you truley have made a difference!
Dear love, I am so very glad of your friend\'s support for you. At this moment, I\'ve looked in on your snaps and I see no sign of depression\'s gloomy wear in your looks; I see and admire only your beauty.
I am so very glad to have helped you during crisis moments. Do feel free to call on me during such times. I will be back this weekend and hope that the site will be up and running for messaging; however, if not, I will make a way on Monday. Be safe and follow the pathway of a loving heart, always...
Aelle
Aelle,
I just went through all your comments on my pictures, you are such a sweetheart and once again have brightened my mood and brought a smile to my face. I will be honest, those pictures are a couple months old now, before the depression hit me again, those were actually all taken for my girlfriend Jessyka, so I was pretty happy at that point in time. I actually had a moment earlier when I walked in the bathroom and looked in the mirror and got a burst of confidence, for the first time in a few weeks I saw a strong, empowered, confident me, and I was able to smile and knock my depression down a little bit.
I really do appreciate you always being there for me, it helps me more than you\'ll know to have someone as supportive as yourself at my side. I saw your name in my emails from DS and smiled before I even knew what you had written, you have a lasting effect on my mood, and I really want to make sure you know how much I appreciate that.
Thank you again,
Love you,
Acinorev
Acinorev, I love you very much as well. And Jessyka is blessed to have you so close as a friend; I admire that :)
Your pictures are beautiful and they all reflect who you are no matter how old now and I\'m delighted to come back for a review from time to time.
I am so glad to know that you are gradually perfecting techniques for breaking this tense-mind of depression. Blast the confidence right up into depressions awful face if you have to, dear love. Stand up to it, Acinorev. You\'ve got control of the matter. And I am so pleased to be here for you as needed during tough times to give you that extra boost of encouragement.
Have a wonderful new day on tomorrow!
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Aelle
Thank you Aelle, but i think it is I that is blessed to have Jessyka, she has changed my world and has really helped to lift my spirits! It seems she always knows when I\'m starting to feel down, even just today she could tell on the phone and she started tickling her daughter to get her laughing so that was all i heard, it was the most beautiful sound.. my future step daughter, that\'s a crazy thought! Crazy and amazing and beautiful...
You have definitely helped to boost me up, you and angel both! I\'m finally starting to feel uplifted and slightly back to my old self. I still have my moments, nights still aren\'t the easiest, but i\'m crying a lot less and im starting to feel good about myself again, and i truly have you and angel to thank for that
Oh, dear love, angel is wonderful and how kind of you to thank us both. It\'s my pleasure to help, as I\'m certain angel feels the same way. Yes, Jess is very keen to understanding how to keep you smiling...so good! And the sound of children is music to the ears at gentle times, also very uplifting to the emotions...laughter is soothing for the nerves and a comfort to the heart, so do enjoy spending time with her daughter.
Yes, there will be times of sorrow during memories; however fight through with faith in your ability to cope; you have done so before and you can do so always; remember that clear voice inside of you that\'s always alive and pulling for you!
Aelle
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Thank you Aelle, I am truly grateful to everyone who has helped me through these trying times.. I am trying to keep strong with the help of all my DS friends, Jess, Evalynne, and my amazing best friends. I cherish every moment I spend talking to Jess and/or Evalynne, without them both I\'m not sure where I would be now. Aelle & Angel, you both especially have helped me in so many ways, keeping me strong, keeping me fighting, and keeping me confident. There is no way to thank you both enough for everything you have done
How darling of you to say so...you are well worth it!! Stay encouraged!
Aelle
Thanks hunny !!
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Acinorev