Loving someone with a PD

After an awful Sunday evening and Monday morning (him throwing tantrums, swearing and shouting at me and threatening me on a couple of occasions, and saying horrible things, then apologising for the whole lot later...), he was nice yesterday evening and this morning; we talked last night and I was trying to help him re: his problems.  It’s obvious he has PTSD, and that’s one of the reasons he is messed up in the head.  There are other contributing factors stemming from his childhood (very strict catholic upbringing with a demanding father who had v high expectations and nothing my ex did was good enough; his father never told him he was proud of him, no achievement was good or big enough to warrant praise from him, etc. And he also had a v traumatic childhood event when he was 10-ish and one of his little friends was run over by a train and he witnessed it). 
Maybe I have Stockholm Syndrome but I can understand why he is the way he is and actually feel sorry for him; I can see the turmoil he has inside his head and he would be a great guy if he didn’t have this issue.  I think he has Borderline Personality Disorder as a result of his traumas; to me (but I’m not a psychiatrist obviously and I knew nothing about BPD a few days ago but did alot of research on it now) he is a textbook case.  I do feel so deeply sorry for him but I know that even if he decides to get help, it’ll take a while for him to sort himself out and I can’t live in a limbo with him putting me on an emotional rollercoaster day in day out. 
I can’t live with the emotional and verbal abuse, and the threats.  He says he is worried about getting any help because if he is diagnosed with PTSD or BPD or anything, then he’ll get chucked out of the Army.  That sounds really unfair as they are part of the reason (a big part) why he is the way he is.  He just grew his ‘Army personality’ so much that it completely took over his life and his job became his identity. 
A lot of stuff he needs to do is nurture and grow his true self (after he really discovered it…) and learn a lot about himself.  Right now he still doesn’t know how to be in charge of his mood and which facet of his personality to use for what situation.  He doesn’t see that he has choices and wants to control everything external to himself, instead of choosing his mood and look for a better feeling thought if he is feeling angry or down…
Also, he doesn't want his dad to know how he is, because he said his dad would disown him if he found out he was abusive to his girlfriend.  I asked him and he said his dad was never abusive to his mum and all he ever heard was 1 argument that they had. His mum was the quiet one in the background, and only came into her own later in life, but I met both his parents and I didn't think his dad had an abusive streak, and his mum didn't seem like somebody that is abused / would put up with abuse.
The break up of our relationship is killing me; but I know this is the right thing to do. Somewhere deep inside I still hope that when he goes back to the States he will get help and sort himself out, and he'll come back for me and we'll be together. I think Iwatched too many Hollywood movies.  Maybe it is easier for me to deal with it this way and once he is gone, I will slowly start to deal with reality.  Istill have nightmares and scream and cry (I often don't remember what I dreamed) and he comes in to cuddle me and hold me, and stays the night in the room where I sleep. Not trying it on, just holds me and strokes my face and back.  I think if he was a psycho and didn't care, he wouldn't do that.  He still buys food for both of us and makes me tea, and says this is the least he can do after the sh*t put me through, and that he is deeply sorry, he really wanted this to work; he is disappointed in himself and feel confused; doesn't knwo why he's behaving so appalingly and why he is so angry.  I see his pain and turmoil, but know that he can't change it right now, even though he's been trying. 
I so wanted this to work and I know so did he, and all this is breaking my heart.

Replies

goingup
goingup

I think you are right, it is the right thing to leave him. If he REALLY wants you back, then he WILL get the therapy and change and wait for you. Is this likely to happen? No. Should you keep your hopes up? Probably not just from what it seems. Yet sometimes things like that do happen i\'m sure though its rare.

Love your new photo. You are so pretty and he is honestly so horrible to abuse you (and I think many guys would say, a retard for messing it up with such a nice woman). You can definitely find another guy who will love you and respect you and be worthy of you.