Love me when I'm gone ...
Maybe it's the time of year or maybe it's just a sign of the garage and turn the radio on. There it is .... I know the words by heart and before I knew it tears were running down my face. I managed to pull it together to go to a meeting. I walk into my office, plop down my tote and toss the papers from the meeting on my desk. Sit down and turn on my radio. The song was just ending and then it was there again. I just smiled. I heard it a total of 4 times today. Not bad for a 10+ year old song.
For me, these moments are signs that Randy is aware that I'm thinking of him and it's just a sign to say "Mother, I'm fine and I love you". Some people don't believe in signs and that's fine. We're all different. Before I tell you why I really believe out loved ones watch over us for those of you who believe in signs - there's an awesome book called "Stop Kissing My Ashes". A mom is in a struggle to get over her son's death.
So, about 5 yrs ago we were living in an apartment complex. Everything was normal that night. We ate dinner, watched some TV and went to bed. It was close to 4:30 AM and I heard a familiar voice ~ one I had been struggling to remember how it sounded. As loud and as clear as day ~ "Mother~" ( Randy would address me at Mother instead of Mom when he was trying to get my attention or prove his point". It instantly woke me up, flipped on a light and looked for him. Then I heard a banging on the door and faint voices. There was a fire jthat engulfed a car just outside our door and the neighbors had been trying to wake us for almost 10 mins. Ken and I quickly grabbed some shoes, car keys and got out of there. While watching the firemen battle this fire and actually saved the apt complex from major damage. The lady that lived beside of us came over to tell us she had been banging on the door and yelling for us to get out.
It was a surreal moment for me. I sat there in the car as Ken was checking if we could go back inside and they suggested we wait until afternoon. So we decided to go to Denny's for some breakfast then head to my mom's and try to catch a nap before we had to be at work. Over breakfast Ken said "I'm glad you heard them knocking". I just smiled and said "I didn't ~ Randy did". Then I told him the story.
Ken understands the connection I had with Randy. He saw it the day he died. ( I'll journal that another time). Did Randy really wake me? Was I just dreaming? I can tell you that in that instant I remembered his voice, his tone and when I sat up I had a comforting feeling. For me, I will always believe Randy woke me up.
So, sharing this song is making me smile. Randy was my heart and soul and honestly the light of my life. While there were time we butted heads ~ we were oh so much alike ~ and there were times while he appeared to be my child by sight ... inside he was fighting the darkenss. I always loved Randy ... I didn't always like his choices but I loved that child from the moment I knew he existed.
Tonight while i'm still dreading the next 26 days until this season is over ~ I'm okay for now.
When I'm Gone
There's another world inside of meThat you may never seeThere're secrets in this lifeThat I can't hideSomewhere in this darknessThere's a light that I can't findMaybe it's too far away...Or maybe I'm just blind...Or maybe I'm just blind...[Chorus]So hold me when I'm hereRight me when I'm wrongHold me when I'm scaredAnd love me when I'm goneEverything I amAnd everything in meWants to be the oneYou wanted me to beI'll never let you downEven if I couldI'd give up everythingIf only for your goodSo hold me when I'm hereRight me when I'm wrongYou can hold me when I'm scaredYou won't always be thereSo love me when I'm goneLove me when I'm gone...When your education X-RayCannot see under my skinI won't tell you a damn thingThat I could not tell my friendsRoaming through this darknessI'm alive but I'm alonePart of me is fighting thisBut part of me is gone[Chorus]Or maybe I'm just blind...[Chorus]Love me when I'm gone...Love me when I'm goneWhen I'm GoneWhen I'm GoneWhen I'm Gone
For me, these moments are signs that Randy is aware that I'm thinking of him and it's just a sign to say "Mother, I'm fine and I love you". Some people don't believe in signs and that's fine. We're all different. Before I tell you why I really believe out loved ones watch over us for those of you who believe in signs - there's an awesome book called "Stop Kissing My Ashes". A mom is in a struggle to get over her son's death.
So, about 5 yrs ago we were living in an apartment complex. Everything was normal that night. We ate dinner, watched some TV and went to bed. It was close to 4:30 AM and I heard a familiar voice ~ one I had been struggling to remember how it sounded. As loud and as clear as day ~ "Mother~" ( Randy would address me at Mother instead of Mom when he was trying to get my attention or prove his point". It instantly woke me up, flipped on a light and looked for him. Then I heard a banging on the door and faint voices. There was a fire jthat engulfed a car just outside our door and the neighbors had been trying to wake us for almost 10 mins. Ken and I quickly grabbed some shoes, car keys and got out of there. While watching the firemen battle this fire and actually saved the apt complex from major damage. The lady that lived beside of us came over to tell us she had been banging on the door and yelling for us to get out.
It was a surreal moment for me. I sat there in the car as Ken was checking if we could go back inside and they suggested we wait until afternoon. So we decided to go to Denny's for some breakfast then head to my mom's and try to catch a nap before we had to be at work. Over breakfast Ken said "I'm glad you heard them knocking". I just smiled and said "I didn't ~ Randy did". Then I told him the story.
Ken understands the connection I had with Randy. He saw it the day he died. ( I'll journal that another time). Did Randy really wake me? Was I just dreaming? I can tell you that in that instant I remembered his voice, his tone and when I sat up I had a comforting feeling. For me, I will always believe Randy woke me up.
So, sharing this song is making me smile. Randy was my heart and soul and honestly the light of my life. While there were time we butted heads ~ we were oh so much alike ~ and there were times while he appeared to be my child by sight ... inside he was fighting the darkenss. I always loved Randy ... I didn't always like his choices but I loved that child from the moment I knew he existed.
Tonight while i'm still dreading the next 26 days until this season is over ~ I'm okay for now.
When I'm Gone
There's another world inside of meThat you may never seeThere're secrets in this lifeThat I can't hideSomewhere in this darknessThere's a light that I can't findMaybe it's too far away...Or maybe I'm just blind...Or maybe I'm just blind...[Chorus]So hold me when I'm hereRight me when I'm wrongHold me when I'm scaredAnd love me when I'm goneEverything I amAnd everything in meWants to be the oneYou wanted me to beI'll never let you downEven if I couldI'd give up everythingIf only for your goodSo hold me when I'm hereRight me when I'm wrongYou can hold me when I'm scaredYou won't always be thereSo love me when I'm goneLove me when I'm gone...When your education X-RayCannot see under my skinI won't tell you a damn thingThat I could not tell my friendsRoaming through this darknessI'm alive but I'm alonePart of me is fighting thisBut part of me is gone[Chorus]Or maybe I'm just blind...[Chorus]Love me when I'm gone...Love me when I'm goneWhen I'm GoneWhen I'm GoneWhen I'm Gone
Replies
I KNOW Kala speaks to me!!! It\'s as normal and natural an occurrence for me as breathing is now. I had to work through my own doubts in the beginning, but there have been TOO many AMAZING happenings for it not to be so!
Amazing, wonderful, chills are running through me as I read this!!! WOW! Thank you Randy for making sure you got your moms attention and got her, and your dad, out of the apartment safely!!!! \"MOTHER\"! I love it! He was determined wasn\'t he!! WOW! Simply WOW!
Thank you for sharing this with us. I know many will be encouraged to \"listen\" a little more closely, \"look\" a little more expectantly, for their kids to show up. I look for, and expect, Kala to be a part of my day every single day!
Love to you!
Love to Randy!
Thank you. Ken is actually not Randy\'s dad ~ Jack, my first husband, is Randy\'s dad. I met Ken at a time when I really didn\'t think I would ever love again but yet somehow I have.
I so believe in signs. They have been both comforting and heartbreaking. I seem to be having them almost daily right now. Maybe because I\'m having a difficult time this holiday season.
Sometimes the best things you hear are those you hear with your heart :)
I have heard Alex call me too. As you say...we each can believe what we wish...but I know that I have had visits from Alex and I thank God for allowing them. Love and gentle hugs...Karen
I believe in signs and visits! I have heard my children (usually my son) \"call me\" loud enough to wake me, too! This journal is so honest and heartfelt, I so appreciate your sharing this! Love, Donna