LOST is an understatement
Been feeling pretty off and having lots of anxiety. I keep feeling like things are wrong without being able to put an actual name to the issue.
My boyfriend took a new job in the bay area and now has an hour and a half commute. If he chooses to come home it he might be home as early as 8pm. If not, he stays with a friend and works late trying to keep up with the new job. He works half the day Saturday and gets home around 4 or 5. If we are lucky we see each other on Sunday.
School started back up the week before labor day. This semester I have one class that goes til 9:30 at night. Half hour drive home, chores, eat something..maybe get to bed by 11 if I'm lucky. I am paying my stepdaughter to drive over on the days I have school and feed the animals and let the dog out so I don't have to drive all the way down to the town I live in and back up again for school.
Normally I make it a point to write a journal entry to say, if nothing else, that I took an extra dose. Over the last few weeks I have taken an extra dose on at lease 3 occasions but I have become so lazy that I did not even manage to put it down.
I have felt very alone. Sometimes that is ok and sometimes it is not. He was home all weekend but I still felt like we were worlds apart. Sunday it all finally came to a head and while it was not exactly an argument it was not good either.
Things have always been very up and down for us. The arguments about his drinking still continue. Somehow this time feels different though. He said he is not sure he is in love with me anymore and that he is not happy.
After he worked so hard to get me to move back in and stayed by my side through the heart surgery it was more of a shock than I would have thought. It did kind of hit me though..he is the only person I ever pushed away that didn't just go.
I told him I felt like I could get more affection from a steel post and he said he's tired of the sadness and depression and my saying how old I am.
I don't feel like going to school. This monday night class is horribly long and sometimes I am not sure why I am still doing this. I will probably be 50 before I graduate. I feel like I should be looking toward retirement not finishing a degree. Now I might be starting all over again.
He said he wanted to give it some time. I hate being in limbo. I just want to decide and live with whatever the decision is. So tired.
My boyfriend took a new job in the bay area and now has an hour and a half commute. If he chooses to come home it he might be home as early as 8pm. If not, he stays with a friend and works late trying to keep up with the new job. He works half the day Saturday and gets home around 4 or 5. If we are lucky we see each other on Sunday.
School started back up the week before labor day. This semester I have one class that goes til 9:30 at night. Half hour drive home, chores, eat something..maybe get to bed by 11 if I'm lucky. I am paying my stepdaughter to drive over on the days I have school and feed the animals and let the dog out so I don't have to drive all the way down to the town I live in and back up again for school.
Normally I make it a point to write a journal entry to say, if nothing else, that I took an extra dose. Over the last few weeks I have taken an extra dose on at lease 3 occasions but I have become so lazy that I did not even manage to put it down.
I have felt very alone. Sometimes that is ok and sometimes it is not. He was home all weekend but I still felt like we were worlds apart. Sunday it all finally came to a head and while it was not exactly an argument it was not good either.
Things have always been very up and down for us. The arguments about his drinking still continue. Somehow this time feels different though. He said he is not sure he is in love with me anymore and that he is not happy.
After he worked so hard to get me to move back in and stayed by my side through the heart surgery it was more of a shock than I would have thought. It did kind of hit me though..he is the only person I ever pushed away that didn't just go.
I told him I felt like I could get more affection from a steel post and he said he's tired of the sadness and depression and my saying how old I am.
I don't feel like going to school. This monday night class is horribly long and sometimes I am not sure why I am still doing this. I will probably be 50 before I graduate. I feel like I should be looking toward retirement not finishing a degree. Now I might be starting all over again.
He said he wanted to give it some time. I hate being in limbo. I just want to decide and live with whatever the decision is. So tired.
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