LOST

I belong nowhere. No matter how much I try and change things I am just a waste of energy on this planet.  I will always be the broken girl...there is no making it better.  The glass is not only half empty at all times...it has a hole in the bottom. 


My anxiety is through the roof today.  No real reason but I also feel myself dwelling on sad/bad things.  there is no way to explain or describe to someone how when the anxiety is this bad it is like a short circuit in the brain.  I cannot make simple decisions and am unable to do simple tasks at work.  I am such a negative person...always focusing on the bad and not the good.  I wish I could be one of those people that is just happy to be by myself but I know that is not my personality.  The problem is this level of negativity tends to push people away pretty quickly. 


I hate that broken brain feeling...makes it that much harder to get through the day.  the people and the struggles around me may change, but always the same broken brain.


Sometimes when I notice different parts of my personality I can see how multiple personality disorder could actually become a real thing.  On the one hand I am scared of my own shadow,  on the other is that other personality that things the scared one is a weak bitch and just needs to suck it up and get on with life.


Replies

OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER

Hey,

You hang in there. You know I am always here for you, anytime about anything. I have dealt with depression for years and I have those times of happy and sad too.
billwfriend
billwfriend

have you ever read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People? I suggest trying to read that and see if something there will help you out....hugs bill
Hawkns
Hawkns

reading your message, sorry you feel that way. wish you well and find some one or something to make you happy, don't think of the bad things in life for its endless. i deal with panic attacks and take clonazepam for my panic attacks and seem to help, plus i try to keep my self busy with something i like to do working on wood projects, see a person for this might help besides the internet . wish you well my friend
cachetteen1
cachetteen1

I wish I had advice that would help, if I did, I would take it myself- all I can think is maybe its time to change medication? maybe something is chemically off/ or not working anymore... the voice in your head that's says your 'weak', have u heard that ever in real life? from a parent? from an ex? I know whats its like to have anxiety where u cant even make the most basic decision- nothing is clear- its during those times (which are my worst) I just try to stay away from ppl as much as possible, if I have to go out I wear a baseball hat low so they can barely see my eyes- some days we need to just be alone and regroup, instead of feeling guilty that we didn't 'perform' well for someone on top of other issues that bother us....for what its worth, Im sending u light & love, I hope u feel it...