Lonely and Sad

I am feeling kind of lonely and sad this morning. We are sort of speaking again, I guess.  There is never any discussion of the problem...no apologies...no let's figure this out.  We just pretend it never happened and go back to the way things have been.  He sleeps on the couch each night like that is just what people do.  He was supposed to stay up there last night but ended up coming home.  I don't even know if I would qualify it like roommates...he made dinner and then got on the phone with his best friend and boss..talking business until 9pm.  I hate listening to this crap in the evening and wish he had just stayed up there if they were going to be talking work all night.  I think about all the years we have been together and the way he always gives me just enough to keep me hanging on.  I wonder if we have ever really been close at all....not that it matters.  Am I too harsh?  only seeing what I want to see?  right or wrong, if I feel lonely, then there is obviously a problem.  I think about all the times over the years that he has accused me of cheating and I think to myself that right now if someone offered me the slightest bit of attention that I would probably crumble.  

The book I have been waiting for is due for release on feb 14th..I am waiting for it like it's my date.  It is the companion book for Discontent..told from the male perspective.  I hope it is good...pretty sad that it is the only thing I am looking forward to.