Lonely day
Hey guys,
Nothing much going on but I could feel the emptiness today because I wasn't so busy. It felt kind of lonely and I guess I felt alone with my thoughts and my grieving. I was listening to an interview on ForeverFamilyFoundation website from a mom who had lost a child and she described losing a child as a huge explosion occurs internally. Wow! That describes it! And then I guess it takes a while for things to settle down and damage to be accessed, ect. I get the feeling that most people think I should be my old self as far as energy, ect but what I'm finding is that I've been doing the minimum as far as working and taking care of my house. When I try to do more, like I need to work on my website or taxes, I get very anxious.
So I decided to take a walk today (one of my favorite things), my daughter, Summer called and we had a 45 min chat and I felt so much better. She is nearly 7 months sober. What a blessing! We can talk about so many things now that we couldn't before. She even said that she had enjoyed Spring this year so much just watching the flowers and plants and trees and birds. What miracles they are! I feel the same way. I even saw a bird chasing a squirrel the other morning. I've never seen a bird go so fast after that squirrel. So funny! Justin shows me many signs with birds so I pay attention. I also find a lot of coins. The heck with pennies, I told him I wanted to find nickles, dimes and quarters and I've been finding them!
Another blessing these days is Hot Yoga. I've been going for over a month and I love it. It's one of things that is so hard but it makes me feel so good later. And my balance has improved and I feel so much stronger. Next weekend I will be camping and hiking up in North Georgia so I will need to be strong.
Thanks guys for listening and more later!
Love,
Deanie
Nothing much going on but I could feel the emptiness today because I wasn't so busy. It felt kind of lonely and I guess I felt alone with my thoughts and my grieving. I was listening to an interview on ForeverFamilyFoundation website from a mom who had lost a child and she described losing a child as a huge explosion occurs internally. Wow! That describes it! And then I guess it takes a while for things to settle down and damage to be accessed, ect. I get the feeling that most people think I should be my old self as far as energy, ect but what I'm finding is that I've been doing the minimum as far as working and taking care of my house. When I try to do more, like I need to work on my website or taxes, I get very anxious.
So I decided to take a walk today (one of my favorite things), my daughter, Summer called and we had a 45 min chat and I felt so much better. She is nearly 7 months sober. What a blessing! We can talk about so many things now that we couldn't before. She even said that she had enjoyed Spring this year so much just watching the flowers and plants and trees and birds. What miracles they are! I feel the same way. I even saw a bird chasing a squirrel the other morning. I've never seen a bird go so fast after that squirrel. So funny! Justin shows me many signs with birds so I pay attention. I also find a lot of coins. The heck with pennies, I told him I wanted to find nickles, dimes and quarters and I've been finding them!
Another blessing these days is Hot Yoga. I've been going for over a month and I love it. It's one of things that is so hard but it makes me feel so good later. And my balance has improved and I feel so much stronger. Next weekend I will be camping and hiking up in North Georgia so I will need to be strong.
Thanks guys for listening and more later!
Love,
Deanie
Replies
Grateful that your daughter has seven months of serenity. Such a blessing it is and it feels as if you are sharing in the deepest and most meaningful of ways.
Love how our children give us those signs and it sounds as if Justin has been finding ways to stay connected. Plus your bank account is increasing too. :)
Understanding the ebbs, flows and automatic pilot times of this path and the analogy of our loss being like that of a huge internal explosion makes sense to me. You just continue to BE how you need to and other\'s opinions of how they think we should be has to be put on the back burner or even off the stove for that matter. No one can know the amount of energy that it used just to awaken to a new day without our children in them as we had always imagined and hoped they would be. Finding our courage for the day takes energy and often it leaves very little for much else.
Gentle care dear Deanie, and appreciated hearing how you are doing and feeling as YOU matter.
Keep moving and sweating in that Hot Yoga. :) I need to move daily as well and always feel better.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
Kudos to your daughter... 7 months,, awesome! enjoy your camping trip... love ya!
Yay for Summer....my Jennifer was sober for over 15 years before she left this earth...it is a great accomplishment that deserves celebration!
I am so glad Justin shows up just when you need him....our kids \"showing up\" can make a bad day great!! Take good care of yourself and enjoy your time with nature....((((hugs)))) Vicki
Glad you found some tools to help you on this difficult path. It is indeed very exhausting and trying and auto pilot sounds much like me for many years. So glad your son is finding ways to encourage you as needed. It does mean a lot. You and Summer must be so proud of her achievement! Glad you checked in and hope you have some time to rest before each new tidal wave.
Sending love,
Leda
Blessings to your daughter and you on this path. You inspire me with you classes. I too want to do yoga but have to loss more weight first. I am trying. Be well and enjoy the camping trip!! Hugs, Kathy
Moving through this sorrow takes a long time...I think maybe forever. But what does happen is finding ways to incorporate their absence into life. You have all the tools to do this,but one day at a time is still necessary.
I am soooo very happy for Summer and YOU for her sobriety. Life can truly be lived !
Love to you sweet friend and enjoy that camping trip!!
Congratulations to Summer....enjoy your camping and hiking. I always think of our journey as a roller voasterr -up and down...highs and lows..always changing.