Living Life Alone

I guess I just need to realize that I am going to probably spend the rest of my life alone.  I can't keep living like this..(or can I?)  I mean no one else is going to want a wacko bitch like me so maybe I can just keep the status quo.  He keeps trying to suck me back in...I don't want to care anymore.  I just keep telling myself...so what ..so he's being sweet. He just doesn't want you to leave and lose his designated driver.  Not to mention making it in the house without my income.  question is can I make it on my own?  Not sure.  and still eat?  really not sure.   I hate living in turmoil all the time.  Besides, My anxiety may just be because I am a freak.  Nothing says it will get better if we split.