LIFE LIKE A BAD DREAM
SOME TIMES I FEEL I SHOULD NOT WRITE IN HERE BECAUSE NOT MUCH CHANGES IN MY LIFE, I DO WRIT IN A JOURNAL HERE AT HOME EVERY NIGHT ,I KEEP TRACK OF MY GOOD AND BAD DAYS AND HOW I AM FEELING ND PAIN LEVEL. IT DOES HELP TO LOOK BACK. BUT I AM ALL WAYS SAD AND LONELY AND IN PAIN AND PUTTING ON THAT HAPPY FACE, BUT OF COURSE THE WORSE THING I GO THROUGH IS MISSING MY DENISE, I TRIED FOR TO DAYS TO BE POSITIVE AND SMILE MORE ,AND OF COURSE I AM ALL WAYS LOOKING FOR SOME ONE WHO NEEDS SUPPORT BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH I NEED IT, AND HOW MUCH IT HELPS TO HELP OTHERS. SO BACK TO MY 2 DAYS, I GOT THROUGH AND THE 3RD DAY I AM WATCHING SOMETHING FUNNY ON THE TV,AND I AM LAUGHING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I AM ON THE FLOOR CRYING MY EYES OUT,WHAT HIT ME OUT OF NO WHERE WAS I NEVER HEAR MY DAUGHTERS LAUGH AGAIN, I GOT UP OFF THE FLOOR AND WENT OUT SIDE TO SIT DOWN HOPING IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AND THE SUN WAS OUT AND THE AIR BLOWING ON MY FACE AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT IS MY DAUGHTER WILL NEVER SEE THE SUN OR FEEL THE BREEZE, OR WILL I EVER SEE HER FACE AGAIN AND HER THAT WONDERFUL LAUGH SHE HAD, I TRY TO SEE HER FACE IN MY MIND AND NOW ITS SO HARD IT USED TO BE SO EASY, I STARTED TO PRAY AGAIN WHY JESUS WHY, I TALKED WITH HIM ASKING HIM HOW WAS IT YOU BROUGHT LAZARUS BACK BECAUSE YOU MISSED HIM YOUR FRIEND SO BAD,I PRAY ALL THE TIME THAT I MAY GET SOME PEACE OVER THIS , BUT MY HEART HAS BEEN HEAVY FOR 8 LONG YEARS, AND I FEAR I WILL FEEL LIKE THIS TILL THE DAY I DIE, I KNOW SOME THAT GET THROUGH ALL THIS BETTER THEN OTHERS WERE ALL DIFFERENT, AND MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I HAVE KNOW SUPPORT HERE, EVEN MY SON HAS WALKED OUT OF MY LIFE NOW FOR OVER A YEAR, I HAVE SO MUCH GUILT BUT YOU CAN NOT GET OVER SOME THING YOU CAN NOT CHANGE NOW IT TO LATE. I FEEL SO STUCK IN THIS LIFE LIKE A BAD DREAM AND I NEVER WAKE UP FROM THIS, ,THIS IS JUST MY REALITY.
Replies
Shirley I\'m so sorry you are feeling this way. A very wise friend of mine says that when you have those deep moments of grief you have to allow yourself to feel it, acknowledge your pain because it\'s real. By not trying to overcome or avoid the sorrow or somehow trying to fix it, you just let it happen and then it passes and you can let it go.
Tight hugs to you,
Terry
Hi Shirley
I feel like I\'m in a bad dream too. I\'m watching the CUBs to distract myself. Drinking my green tea to wake up after a nap. Hope you have a nice day.
Brad
I AM CRYING WITH YOU MY DEAR, DEAR, FRIEND-IT BREAKS MY HEART TO HEAR YOU SUFFER SO MUCH AND KNOW THERE IS NOTHING I OR ANYONE ELSE CAN DO TO LESSEN YOUR GRIEF. THE PAIN NEVER STOPS-IT JUST GETS A LITTLE MORE BEARABLE OVER TIME-BUT THAT TAKES A VERY LONG TIME. WE JUST HAVE TO ENDURE THE AGONY OF IT WHEN IT COMES-IF WE\'RE LUCKY, THERE IS SOMEONE TO HOLD US WHEN WE CRY UNTIL IT PASSES (I\'M HUGGING YOU SHIRLEY). I WISH I COULD TAKE THIS PAIN FROM YOU MY DEAR SWEET FRIEND-BUT I CANNOT-UNFORTUNATELY; YOU DO HAVE MY LOVE AND MY CARING WITH YOU. THESE THINGS ARE NOT MUCH IN PLACE OF SOMETHING AS PRECIOUS AS A CHILD-BUT IT\'S ALL I CAN OFFER YOU, ALONG WITH MY PRAYERS. LOVING YOU-KATHY
I can say nothing but im thinking of you....gentle gugzzz
comforting hugs. Dear Shirley, our thoughts, prayers, and hearts are with you. i\'m so sorry, you are enduring awful pain, and experiencing very sad and lonely times. i\'m with you in spirit, and our love is hugging your heart. take all the time you need to grieve, allow your heart, and spirit that time to grieve. even though you have these very sad times, hold onto close those special times with your family, time with your husband, mother inlaw, your grandson, granddaughters, all of us, your friends. We will help you through all the difficult times, comforting you, uplifting you, and helping guide you to peaceful days. :) We are thinking of you, and we love you friend. :) Sending our love, many peaceful healing blessings, and our most comforting hugs. we\'ll be here, anytime you need us. surrounding you with love, care, and support. :)
What kind comments. You have some wonderful friends here. I chatted with you earlier and you let me whine about my ucky. I wish you would have told me but I understand that these things are hard to share. Bless your heart. I wish I could shake your son. I wish someone would shake mine. Of course they wont as no one wants to be involved. Shirley, we have so much in common it is ridiculous. I cannot relate to losing a child. I can only listen and cry with you. Please always tell me whats going on with you. I feel God sent me here as a mission of sorts. I help myself by helping others. That can be as simple as an ear when you need. God bless you darling, I will pray for you and your son. Lean on your friends here. Hugs!
I\'m sending you lots of comforting hugs, my dear friend. I can\'t imagine the horrible pain of losing your daughter but know that I care and wish you peace. At some point I do hope you can remember the happy memories and smile again when you think of her. As for your son, I totally understand where you are but don\'t understand how these adult children can treat us this way! No parent is perfect...and neither is the child....so to them I say get over it, forgive if that is the case and move on with living. I share that pain with you Shirley and have for 4 years. I\'ve finally had to let go of what I can\'t control. We love our children but not what they are doing. Sending out special prayers for you and hope you receive peace and continue to have hope for a brighter day to come. Big Hugsxxxx
Sending loving care to enfold your broken heart. You do matter in this world, Shirley, so continue to nurture and care for yourself and be that heart with ears as you are for those who are hurting too. I see you doing this all the time and know that you lift others.
Allow yourself to feel lifted and cared for. There do not need to be any happy faces put on here when you are not feeling that way. This is your safe haven where you can come and be real and share just as you have today. I believe that when we share it helps lighten whatever burdens one is carrying because it is now known and doesn\'t seem to carry so much power.
Prayerful that a pocket full of peace finds you and that your sorrow will lighten a bit so that you can see how very special you are and to many.
Loving care dear Shirley and knowing that you are longing for your Denise. Her essence will never be forgotten in your heart as it cannot be for a mother and her child. You carry her forever there so bring all those thoughts when they are spinning and whirling around in your head and breathe them down into your heart where your truth resides. This helps me so much when I can do this and perhaps it will you as well.
Gentle (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
Is there a grief support group you could go to where you live? Or maybe a grief counselor? I believe that would help you a great deal. Sending prayers and good vibes your way.
Janice
Shirley, totally new change of topic...I LOVE your hair ! I don\'t think I ever told you before
Hugs marylou
Surrounding you with love with all your friends, Shirley. We all love you & are here for you.
I\'m sure some day your son will once again become your friend.
Hey Shirley...I love what Marylou said and I soooo agree,,,,love your hair,,, and love you...!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH ,MY GOD WHAT WOULD I DO WITH OUT YOU ALL, GOD SAID WE ARE ALL HERE FOR A REASON AND I SEE IT HERE TODAY, I WOULD LOVE TO WRITE BACK EACH ONE OF YOU BUT,THERE SO MANY I WOULD BE ALL WEEK AND THANK YOU JENN AND NORA YOU BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE ABOUT MY HAIR, THANK YOU ALL,SINCERELY FROM MY HEART AND IO LOVE YOU,SHIRLEY
Shirley you are such a caring person. I am sorry we are all in this mess together. I don\'t know what it is like to have a daughter, but I do miss my son. I have not been to a thrift store since he died because it is just not fun anymore. I know he used to assume this goofy posture and tease us that he would be the one to choose our nursing home. I hope he chooses heaven for us.
Much love and gentle hugs,
Leda
Just got to thinking, that was a joke, dear friend. We all know/knew that Jesus died for our sins and our nursing home will be \"heavenly.\"
lol,
Leda