life in general
I have seemedto lost my hunger feelings and have to make myself eat and when I do I mostly eat the same amount, maybe not at breakfast or lunch, but a small amount less. I am only doing it because I know I should or I would feel even worse then I do.i would tire even quicker, bruise more and get even uglier. when I start to eat I am ok and don't feel much guilt unless I feel I ate to much at dinner, which in reality I don't.
I have been down for awhile now, talked to dr. m. about it and he says all these positive things about me and how much I have improved but I told him I don't really believe it. I haven't been down like this for this amount of time in a long time. maybe it is the weather... along with the depression comes my anger at just about everything. some seems very justified to me. I told a woman at work that I was feeling down lately, she asked me why and I said just life I guess, and she said to me, ill tell you what it is like to be down! I know she is going through some hard times now and I have always listened and supported her, you don't say shit like that to someone else. she really has no idea about my life, she knows my husband died, but that's about it.
speaking of her I was so ticked off yesterday. there were no managers all day and Jackie and her took full advantage of it. the store was dead and Marianne in nparticular did nothing, and there is always something to do. that's fine, be that way, I don't really care, let me do my job and leave me alone. well she came up to me asking what to do about this request, it was on paper, and I said what are you talking about? this customer wanted the hot dogs we carry once nicer weather comes, we actually had a bag right out front, Marianne would know this if she ever went out there and looked at what we have. I told Marianne we have them, she got pissed saying no one told her, I said you never asked anyone before you told her no. I then said why don't you page her back to the deli. she said NO that I do it! I said well come with me and I will show you how, no again, she said she doesn't want to learn, she will never use the phone. I must of made a face or something as she asked if I was angry and I said I just don't get it. she didn't talk to me the rest of the day, fine. to much b.s.
after today I have 4 long days then I have 7 days off, this is when colleen will have the surgery and be in the hospital, I cant wait to get out of there!
time to go
I have been down for awhile now, talked to dr. m. about it and he says all these positive things about me and how much I have improved but I told him I don't really believe it. I haven't been down like this for this amount of time in a long time. maybe it is the weather... along with the depression comes my anger at just about everything. some seems very justified to me. I told a woman at work that I was feeling down lately, she asked me why and I said just life I guess, and she said to me, ill tell you what it is like to be down! I know she is going through some hard times now and I have always listened and supported her, you don't say shit like that to someone else. she really has no idea about my life, she knows my husband died, but that's about it.
speaking of her I was so ticked off yesterday. there were no managers all day and Jackie and her took full advantage of it. the store was dead and Marianne in nparticular did nothing, and there is always something to do. that's fine, be that way, I don't really care, let me do my job and leave me alone. well she came up to me asking what to do about this request, it was on paper, and I said what are you talking about? this customer wanted the hot dogs we carry once nicer weather comes, we actually had a bag right out front, Marianne would know this if she ever went out there and looked at what we have. I told Marianne we have them, she got pissed saying no one told her, I said you never asked anyone before you told her no. I then said why don't you page her back to the deli. she said NO that I do it! I said well come with me and I will show you how, no again, she said she doesn't want to learn, she will never use the phone. I must of made a face or something as she asked if I was angry and I said I just don't get it. she didn't talk to me the rest of the day, fine. to much b.s.
after today I have 4 long days then I have 7 days off, this is when colleen will have the surgery and be in the hospital, I cant wait to get out of there!
time to go
Replies
I bet you are counting down the hours till you get your time off.... i hope you can spend sometime relaxing and plan something to do just for yourself :) Wish i lived there we could get together and do something relaxing even just go for a walk and enjoy the nice weather...since it seems spring is finally here yeahh!
anything will be better thenn there!
You need to take Barb up on her offer before it\'s too late. I really think that it\'s a good place for you. You have been looking for a way out as long as I\'ve known you and this is perfect. *hugs*
I am thinking of you, and stopped by to say hello. Just working without any days off, so not really a lot I can get done. Many hugs and know that you are in my thoughts.
thanks larissa and lucy. larissa, I appreciate your thoughts on changing stores, but I just don\'t feel right about it. I would be leaving everyone in the lurch if I leave, there is no one at the moment who would do my job. I also don\'t think it is right of barb to ask me to leave and work for her, it seems unprofessional, I appreciate her confindence in me and I do like her very much but I just don\'t feel right. plus it wouldn\'t be a career change the same crap just a different place. I haven\'t contacted her yet and I need to. lucy, I hope you can get some time off and not work yourself into the ground. I too think of you and wish you peace. hugss