Life and it's Tolls
I think to myself..I should be happy..but happy for what...Life seems to have taken a toll on me...
I think to myself..that this feeling of depression is beginning to overtake me and there seems no way of turning back..:Life seems to have taken a toll on me...
I think to myself...I have a nice home I have a place for my mom..yet I know she is not happy..she wishes to be somewhere else..yet I don't know where she would be happy...and it has taken a toll on me...
I think to myself, my husband is sweet to me..giving much more than I can give back..Life just seems it has taken a toll on me...
I think to myself can I pull myself out of this darkeness..this darkness that has taken a toll on me..
I think to myself...what can I do to change things..to make me feel some peace..where does the peace come from..
I think to myself...I am pulled in so many directions..I don't get depressed yet that is where I feel I am...
I think to myself..how to continue on this life..it's too difficult..it's too lonely..it's too much...
I think to myself..why did Ken die..I need him alive so bad..I miss him so much..how do I ever not let this darkness to not completely make me become someone else...some one so sad...someone feeling so sad...someone feeling the tolls of life has now taken me into the depths so deep I do not know how to escape....
I think to myself it's been 19 months..I am going backwards...I am getting more sad...I feel no happiness...I feel no joy...I feel only sadness that has now taken my life completelyly..'
I think to myself..I have no answers...I have no way out...too much has happened too much has made me so sad...
I think to myself is this now to be my life...how do I continue...I think to myself...
I have no answers...
I think to myself..that this feeling of depression is beginning to overtake me and there seems no way of turning back..:Life seems to have taken a toll on me...
I think to myself...I have a nice home I have a place for my mom..yet I know she is not happy..she wishes to be somewhere else..yet I don't know where she would be happy...and it has taken a toll on me...
I think to myself, my husband is sweet to me..giving much more than I can give back..Life just seems it has taken a toll on me...
I think to myself can I pull myself out of this darkeness..this darkness that has taken a toll on me..
I think to myself...what can I do to change things..to make me feel some peace..where does the peace come from..
I think to myself...I am pulled in so many directions..I don't get depressed yet that is where I feel I am...
I think to myself..how to continue on this life..it's too difficult..it's too lonely..it's too much...
I think to myself..why did Ken die..I need him alive so bad..I miss him so much..how do I ever not let this darkness to not completely make me become someone else...some one so sad...someone feeling so sad...someone feeling the tolls of life has now taken me into the depths so deep I do not know how to escape....
I think to myself it's been 19 months..I am going backwards...I am getting more sad...I feel no happiness...I feel no joy...I feel only sadness that has now taken my life completelyly..'
I think to myself..I have no answers...I have no way out...too much has happened too much has made me so sad...
I think to myself is this now to be my life...how do I continue...I think to myself...
I have no answers...
Replies
Yikes! I think from the multiple responses from everyone that I am not the only one having trouble with DS right now...
Anyway ~ I know what you mean, sweet Sandi. Sometimes the longer it\'s been, the more hopeless and desperate we feel ~ the sense of finding no way out of this unending, relentless pain, sadness and loss. The cycles of grief do keep wending their way through our beings ~ some days are better than others. But I agree with Sarah and Rebecca that perhaps you need some sort of professional assistance to lift you gently out of this downward spiral you find yourself in. Your poetry is eloquent and clear in expressing your heart ~ but we want you to feel happier and stronger.
Thinking of you today with the utmost tenderness and sending a prayer of uplift, healing and hope.
With much love and hugs of peace ~ Debbie
Yikes! I think from the multiple responses from everyone that I am not the only one having trouble with DS right now...
Anyway ~ I know what you mean, sweet Sandi. Sometimes the longer it\'s been, the more hopeless and desperate we feel ~ the sense of finding no way out of this unending, relentless pain, sadness and loss. The cycles of grief do keep wending their way through our beings ~ some days are better than others. But I agree with Sarah and Rebecca that perhaps you need some sort of professional assistance to lift you gently out of this downward spiral you find yourself in. Your poetry is eloquent and clear in expressing your heart ~ but we want you to feel happier and stronger.
Thinking of you today with the utmost tenderness and sending a prayer of uplift, healing and hope.
With much love and hugs of peace ~ Debbie
Thank you everyone for your warm responses...and I agree DS must be messed up....I know this is a temp thing for me...I know even though I don\'t feel strong I will be find my way out of the forest just as we all do each time we are thrown back into the darkness..someway, somehow,,,we find our way out and find the sunlight shinning through a crack and slowly we find our way back into the light..know one day...one day we will be with our child/children again.. Without all you, I do not know where I would be today...I know it has been all of you that has pulled me through the dark days..to each of you I thank you for your love...for knowing your there for me when I reach out in despair...Each of you are my lifeline to keep me going...Thank you and I love each of you...Sandi
It\'s all such a journey, isn\'t it? The ups and downs and bumps - and actually mostly downs.......but despite it all we manage to be strong and stay the course...because that\'s what our children would expect of us. Strong in life and strong after this life. Through you, Ken lives on and always will. Peace to you ~ Joanna
Sandi... I feel your pain, sorrow and desolation. Just remember you are not alone, we are all walking along with you in this dark forest, searching for true meaning of life. The forest is dark, but once in awhile there is a soft light shines thru. It seems quiet, alone, fearful, but we hear cricket chips, leaves on tree make sound when wind blows. Sometimes we hear noises and we immediately draw to conclusion that \"oh no, a monster is going to get me.\" And all you need to remember, is to yell, and we will all rush to rescue.
I too into my 22nd month of grief, I thought I made progress and then, joom, I am backward for not just a step, many steps back. However, I believe since I made it so far, my skill to re-reach to my last point should be a bit easier for I have skills now. (If I still remember how).... but you can do it. We can do it. love you
my prayers go out to you sandi i am with you on this and my goodness its not a nice feeling you are in the right place to express you feelings the support and the people are wonderful they have helped me and just knowing thatsomeone understands wha tyour going through helps so much sending you healing thoughts angie
Sandi, just know you are not alone. We all love you. As Sarah so eloquently wrote, \"an instrument of lite\". Sending you gentle hugs and prayers for healing.....Pat
Sandi I believe you need to talk to someone face to face. It is a very difficult time. Life is not what we want it to be nor will it ever be, I know days I do not want to believe that but is reality. Please do what you need to get out of your dark place. You will feel better in the long run and be able to cope.
sending you a big hug. Penny