landscape change
when I was a freshman in highschool, the dad cheated and then married a waitress that worked at the diner my parents owned. Lets call this waitress Storm. Storm is 3 or 4 years older than myself. The dad, at the time, was in his mid to late 40's. Storm was either 17 or 18 years old. She was either a senior in high school, or had just graduated high school. Up until the time that the dad met Storm, I pretty much got most of his attention. I was his "princess". Storm convinced the dad that he was spoiling me and so his generosity stopped. He supported Storm thru college and med-school. Storm told the dad that I should either take the bus or buy my own car - and that I was spoiled. The dad continued to buy everything for Storm. Storm and the DAD eventually had two kids - of whom storm n the dad paid for their college tuitions in full and each had a brand new car when they were ready to drive. Storm eventually became an MD. She is a practicing physician currently in Milwaukee WI. I really hate Storm. In today 's meditation Alley (my high school inner child) bounced between really wanting and hoping to be friends with Storm and therefore become a happy imaginary family - or she hated Storm to such an extent that she visually did horrible, unmentionable things to her. The rage I felt for storm surpassed the previous rage that I felt for my parents - this takes it to a brand new level. I didn't realize how much I hate her. Even thinking about her is very new and I wonder what it will lead to. I think of ways I can plot monetary revenge. Is there any way I can sue her? Sue the dad? I wonder if feelings that I have for Storm is the segway to the dad - it would make sense that I would have more rage for him.
Replies
I can understand your rage for Storm and it's justified rage. I am sure you have some for the Dad too (regarding this specific situation) but I bet that's totally separate from the rage you feel for Storm. Just another person in your life telling you that you are 'less than' and 'undeserving'. That would bring out the rage in me that's for sure.
I can also see where Alley would want to be friends with her. She was close to your age and I am sure you could see how she was able to manipulate the dad to do things - and this could be very beneficial to you.
I hope you are able to release, in safe ways, the rage you feel. Writing, crying, punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow and/or ripping up a cardboard box. I can understand you wanting to get monetary revenge on them but I can't see that helping you get past the rage. Rage is more about how they made you feel rather than anything materialistic they withheld from you. So the feelings under the rage are what will help you heal more-so than suing them. I can imagine you would feel hurt, betrayed and abandoned by what happened. If you manage to heal all those feelings and then still feel like suing them then I say 'go for it'. At least when you do you won't be doing it specifically to 'hurt them back'. You will be doing it because they owe you money that they withheld from you for your education. This is just my humble opinion. In the end you need to do what feels right for you.
LE says it all, so I can't add much. Like me, its a way of releasing that rage, and I think its one of the hardest parts of healing. But one of much benefit.
I hope you find some peace
(((hugs))) xxx
Thanks LE and RB for your kind comments. LE - my anger is contained within the meditation session. Right now as I type I barely feel anything towards Storm - I have no desire to sue her. I like the idea of suing her if she really does in fact owe me money - not for revenge. and now that I think of it, her and the dad lied about their income in order to get away with paying much less in child support. The dad worked for a fellow greek friend and was paid cash of which he denied. anyway - something to think about. thanks again.
I like how you call him "the" dad and I love your name for her: "storm".
I have way more rage towards those who enabled the abuser in my family than I do at the abuser in my waking life. In my dream life I don't. I rage at the abuser. None of it makes sense to me.
That's so interesting JR . I find that the only time that I rage is when i'm meditating. Once i'm done I barely feel rage for Storm - and I can barely even picture the dad. makes no sense to me either :) Thanks for the name choosing compliments :)