Labor Day weekend

Friday night before a long weekend and I'm sitting here with my cat. My ex is with his new girlfriend probably getting ready to go to the events we had scheduled for the long weekend. We had planned to go away to rekindle our relationship. It was obviously a lie since he was planning to move out the whole time we were talking about places to go. He said he'd make all the plans - which I thought was very sweet at the time. Now I realize it was because it wasn't me that was going. The initial shock is leaving, working helps as it gets me out of the house and out with people. But the emptiness is going to be here awhile. Knowing he will be taking her to family events, on the vacations I should be on - just burns. I was suppose to take his mother - who likes me a lot - to a painting night which now won't happen.  I wish I had been a fly on the wall when he told her and the rest of the family he was moving out after 10 years. 

I want to spend the next 3 days wallowing in misery, but I'm going to force myself out tomorrow and go shopping to fill some of the empty spots in the front room where his stuff was. Even if it's just an hour it will be a step in the right direction - that's what my therapist says. I took the garbage out yesterday for the first time in years. That was something he always did. It felt weird but I told myself to get used to it - I'll be doing all the day to day stuff by myself from now on. In the big picture of life that sounds so stupid but when you are getting through one day at a time it's a big deal. 

I sat with my therapist this week and told her I feel guilty feel as bad as I do. There are so many people worse off than me. But my life has changed and right now it's not for the best. So I'm allowing myself to have these feelings.