Justin's Birthday
HI guys,
i just wanted to share with you that Justin's birthday is tomorrow. A few years ago Jeremy, Justin and I started a tradition of camping in October around Halloween and in March around Justin's birthday. Justin loved camping so much and we always had so much fun. We have a special spot in the Talledega National Forest. So anyway Jeremy and I are trying to keep up this tradition. We both agreed that we feel close to Justin when we do things that he loved.
So with his birthday just a few hours away I am not sure what to expect from myself. I feel the anticipation. I wish I had time to get out his birth pictures. He was a big baby.. 9.5 lbs! Several friends who knew about the camping trip and Justin's birthday have been checking in with me. So sweet!
In my Al-anon meeting tonight someone shared with me that one of our member's daughter had died from a self inflicted gunshot wound. Even though I didn't know her well, my heart went out To her. She wanted to know if it was ok if she called me. I said 'sure' and I hope she does. I don't think she has a lot of support And this was her only child.
Life just feels so odd without Justin. I think of him constantly And miss him terribly. I don't cry as much as I did. It seems to come in waves. I'm obsessed with communication with him and finding out where he is and what he's doing And who his friends are, Ect. I'm beginning to think my grieving is taking a weird turn like I'm living my life completely obsessed with him. Maybe that's normal but I can't talk about it too much because I'm afraid people will think I've lost it. Anyway I'm rambling. Thank you guys for all of the support and I'll share again in a few days to let you know how it went.
Love, Deanie
i just wanted to share with you that Justin's birthday is tomorrow. A few years ago Jeremy, Justin and I started a tradition of camping in October around Halloween and in March around Justin's birthday. Justin loved camping so much and we always had so much fun. We have a special spot in the Talledega National Forest. So anyway Jeremy and I are trying to keep up this tradition. We both agreed that we feel close to Justin when we do things that he loved.
So with his birthday just a few hours away I am not sure what to expect from myself. I feel the anticipation. I wish I had time to get out his birth pictures. He was a big baby.. 9.5 lbs! Several friends who knew about the camping trip and Justin's birthday have been checking in with me. So sweet!
In my Al-anon meeting tonight someone shared with me that one of our member's daughter had died from a self inflicted gunshot wound. Even though I didn't know her well, my heart went out To her. She wanted to know if it was ok if she called me. I said 'sure' and I hope she does. I don't think she has a lot of support And this was her only child.
Life just feels so odd without Justin. I think of him constantly And miss him terribly. I don't cry as much as I did. It seems to come in waves. I'm obsessed with communication with him and finding out where he is and what he's doing And who his friends are, Ect. I'm beginning to think my grieving is taking a weird turn like I'm living my life completely obsessed with him. Maybe that's normal but I can't talk about it too much because I'm afraid people will think I've lost it. Anyway I'm rambling. Thank you guys for all of the support and I'll share again in a few days to let you know how it went.
Love, Deanie
Replies
I understand feeling close to our sons by doing things that they loved. I remember how your family enjoys camping and our memories are around our camping adventures too. Hoping that Justin\'s birthday unfolds gently, with intention and feeling his love.
Perhaps you are entering into a new way of BEing with Justin and just like anything new in the beginning it is thought about and \"practiced\" a lot. I don\'t believe there is any weirdness, right or wrong way around it as long as you are feeling okay.
I\'ll be thinking of you and oh, what a big boy he was. All nine plus pounds!
Hoping too that the mom will reach out to you and just her knowing that you are walking this path with her might bring more comfort than you could ever imagine.
Loving care dear Deanie,
XO Joanie
being there for another mom is so important.... for both of you... love ya!
A child is such an important part of a mother after he is born. I think most of us here have looked for signs or winks from our children after they are gone. We so desperately want to communicate with them in some form and let them know they are loved and thought of still. I think the camping trip is a wonderful way for you and your son to honor him on this special day. I hope this day is gentle on both of you.
Sending love,
Leda
Deanie ~ I loved reading your journal about the tradition of you, Jeremy & Justin camping together. What precious memories you have. As you carry on with this tradition it\'s such a special way to honor Justin. As you do so, may peace touch you & Jeremy.
Oh Deanie, everything you are feeling is normal. How we process and deal is as unique as each of us are...so explore the communication...or where he is as much as you need to. At some point you will find you wI\'ll not want or need to do it as much or even at all.
I hope that Justin\'s birthday is full of precious memories of that joyous day! I also hope that the camping trip is healing for you and Jeremy.
Love and big hugs.
(((Hugs))).... You are not odd...you are just doing what you need to in order to make it through the day.
Hi Deanie,
I\'m so sorry that I missed Justin\'s birthday without sending you a message of support. I\'ve been on a \"hiatus\" for a few weeks but I\'m feeling better now.
I hope that the camping trip was everything that you wanted it to be with wonderful loving memories of your dear son.
I hope that Jeremy and Summer are also doing well. And there is nothing odd about how you are grieving for Justin. You are doing everything that you need to do to heal and move ahead day by day.
Take care dear friend! Sending you love and tight hugs!
Diane