Just over 1 year...

March 31st was the 1 year anniversary of my best friend's brain surgery... The man I was in love with and whom I thought I was destined to marry... The man who physically survived, is still physically here....but not... The man I knew and loved, he died on that operating table. I lived my life for him, for his recovery, dedicated every moment of my life to him to help him get better but he's an imposter... Filling the physical space of someone I once knew, a constant reminder of that horrible loss. I cry so much because of it and no one understands the pain and heart ache I feel. It feels like a part of me died. I can still feel the anxiety I had while he was in surgery, I remember how I felt, scared he wouldn't wake up, being told he was fine then having seizures and a stroke...being afraid he wouldn't survive those... Physically he did....but he changed, he died and so did part of me. It just hurts so dsmn much...