Just a little ramble...
Well I have been in and out of this wild new life that feels like a cross between sleepwalking and being completely asleep. I have lived in my mom's house since the day she died. We rented out our home in CA and had difficulty right out of the shute with the tenants...but why bore you with the details...the drama in our life has been staggering. Maybe it's to help us cope, God's way of piling our plates during the difficult times...with more and more, so that in hindsight, we tredge through and end up making this journey and putting the griving thing at the bottom of the list...but that is impossible for me.
Today, I found myself in the car, singing to a song on the radio, then broke into talking out loud to Mom, telling her how much I loved her over and over and over. I took my exit off the freeway in the state of Arizona, which still feels like I am visiting here...and not a resident...plus I know nothing about how to get around...I;m usually just here in this house trying to meld our stuff with mom's stuff and deal with not freakig out my autistic older brother...yep that is on my plate too.
So rather than go on and on tonight, as the Superbowl Rages on - - I am in bed, with my little animals. My husband is with some nice men friends who have taken him into their fold and he is in a joyful place. I feel tired. I moved my studio from down stairs to a private location in the house so I am not bothered by Peter and his game shows. I might be able to live here after all, I just have to compartmentalized better. And when the tears come or a letter is unearthed, I can just process it. After all this is a process...Thanks for reading my rambling.
I want to end this with a quote from my mom, from a letter she sent to me after dispesncing some rather sad news to me, but she said, " today is a wonderful day, a great day, because God is in His Heaven"...she signed the letter Love Love Love Mom. And I am thinking Mom is in God's Heaven too...I hope and she can see us, love us and help us...so i am going to just keep talking to her anyway.
SOrry for typo's I am tired and don't feel up to correcting my entry.....
Today, I found myself in the car, singing to a song on the radio, then broke into talking out loud to Mom, telling her how much I loved her over and over and over. I took my exit off the freeway in the state of Arizona, which still feels like I am visiting here...and not a resident...plus I know nothing about how to get around...I;m usually just here in this house trying to meld our stuff with mom's stuff and deal with not freakig out my autistic older brother...yep that is on my plate too.
So rather than go on and on tonight, as the Superbowl Rages on - - I am in bed, with my little animals. My husband is with some nice men friends who have taken him into their fold and he is in a joyful place. I feel tired. I moved my studio from down stairs to a private location in the house so I am not bothered by Peter and his game shows. I might be able to live here after all, I just have to compartmentalized better. And when the tears come or a letter is unearthed, I can just process it. After all this is a process...Thanks for reading my rambling.
I want to end this with a quote from my mom, from a letter she sent to me after dispesncing some rather sad news to me, but she said, " today is a wonderful day, a great day, because God is in His Heaven"...she signed the letter Love Love Love Mom. And I am thinking Mom is in God's Heaven too...I hope and she can see us, love us and help us...so i am going to just keep talking to her anyway.
SOrry for typo's I am tired and don't feel up to correcting my entry.....
Replies