Just a few things I've realized

Day 5 on meds and I've definitely been noticing a difference. My head feels so clear right now and I've been able to see where my thoughts tend to start going wrong much more easily. One thing I've noticed is that a lot of my anxiety comes from assuming that other people think the same way I do and then expecting some overreaction or misunderstanding to arise. The more anxious/paranoid I get, the more anxious/paranoid others seem, and it just turns into a feedback loop. The good news there is I've been working on that for a while, analyzing how other people think and act and realizing some of the differences. It was slow though, and I always had just enough doubt to start second-guessing myself. The meds have allowed me to put that work to use much more effectively. Actually, my ADHD (mis)diagnosis helped me a lot there. The idea of being aneurotypical lined up with a lot of how I felt and gave me an anchor for those perceived differences so I wouldn't doubt them as easily.

I've been going back over my traumatic experience a bit, too, and I can see exactly where my paranoia comes from now. I was an only child growing up. Because I never had any siblings, I never had to deal with other people (especially other kids) on anything other than my own terms. I could always just go home, so it wasn't a skill I had to develop. And then suddenly I was in a situation where I needed that skill. I hate to say it, but being hopeful that I was going home at some point probably made it worse. I probably would have adapted differently if I had accepted the situation, but I fought it instead. I was just waiting to go home and I didn't care about anything else.