joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.

Gonna try and flip some switches to off so I can concentrate.  Turn off the to do list, park the bills, give thanks for this gentle acceleration back into life.  I walked down the driveway and back up twice today.  Two times each way...............sweet.  I haven't done that in a WHILE now.  I had to pause a few times, but by golly I did it.
I got some happy mail.  I did chores.  I opened the frig and wrestled with a big decision.  Yogurt or a donut.  I did the right thing.........I had the donut with a dollop of cool whip in the middle.  Count on me to make a great decision! 
For the last month I wondered if I might be dying, then at another point I realized again - that I wouldn't get to die........and finally the waters parted, the clouds lifted and I feel this gentle steady re-entry into regular sick life.  sounds wrong, but I am so glad that it could be, seems like and oh boy how i want to trust that it is true.
until I know for sure, I'm gonna plunge in full on with hope and a hearty grin.  i'm gonna just do it.......feel the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. 
i painted my nails with this frost peachy pink color.........it should be good right?  nah, it looks weird.  i prefer creamy colors, not this sparkly stuff........i like shine over sparkle except when it comes to say magic.  with magic, sparkle is essential.
oh, the problem with my neck.....left side.  it's either a pinched nerve or a herniated or bulging disc.  i have continued pain, it's worsening in my arm, elbow and I have numbness and tingling in my hand too.  i need an injection.  i have to deal with medicare and it may be easier to live with the impaired neck/arm/hand than to deal with them. 
i am slow learning the ways of the mighty medicare.  i do not have a temporarily higher medicine fee, it will be higher for the rest of the year.  now i need to call more 800 numbers to see if i qualify for either a better program or if i need a supplemental plan to supplement my you guessed it.......supplemental plan.  if the government can confuse you, trust me, they will and they do and that's how that rock rolls.........through the brain, down the hill and under the earth.  sigh.  rats. 
but since my big win with AT&T i'm still flushed and giddy from that success.......today i got word that my request for another 12 months of 0 interest with discover was approved.  need all the help i can get to pay for the heating and a/c system.  i'll have to negotiate again in a year, sigh wish i would knowingly be able to remember. if i tied strings on my fingers, toes, ears, braided through my hair and eyelashes (ok, maybe not the eyelashes, ow) to remember things i could become the first official human kite in Guinness World Records. 
that is a strange visual......picture yourself up in the sky flying through life as a kite!!!!!
the best thing happened ..........la de dah, the thermostat they installed was driving me crazy.  it puts off a blue glow at night.  so there you are, trying to sleep in your bed and there is this enormous intrusive blue glow........it has the strength of ten or twelve nightlights.  it lights up the whole ceiling.......and the walls.  it's a huge problem. I like to sleep in the dark.  I have double lined curtains to aid in creating a dark quiet room. 
I finally got somebody that could tell me how to program the thermostat to turn that blue sleep sucking unit to a nice quiet non-intrusive gray.  no glow, no nightlight properties.......and baby let me tell ya, it is GREAT!!!!!   at first i was putting pillows between me and the light.......then i put a jungle safari band-aid over the blue light.......still not enough to block it.   then i put cardboard and more jungle safari band-aids over it...........oh yeah, it got purtier and purtier.  i had to dig out my goo be gone to get the sticky band-aid adhesive off the unit, but now all is well..........there is peace in the valley again.
a normal unimpaired person would have probably called the first day or two of noticing the problem, but a person in a crash doesn't operate like a normal unimpaired human.  they just don't think very straight cause the pain creates the fuzzy marshmallowy fog that clouds everything ya do.  so instead of being able to dial direct you dial newark, then paddle your brain boat to Taiwan to pick up a map and then you take mapquest via the Cape of Good Hope and find yourself flying over Iceland the next day and then at some point finally the fog clears and you go, huh, call somebody that can walk you through it.  and voila ta dah..........the sunshine comes out and you can see and enjoy the light of day.
it may be a long convoluted explanation, but that's all i know how to 'splain it to you ma chere........that's all i know.  what a world.  today i am going to cook a steak.  ha ha ho ho hee hee.  so excited.  protein is even better than a donut.  and that donut was goooooooooooooooooooood.  gonna go marinade din din now so I can cook it in a few hours.  happy to get to cook......wow, talk about home improvement.  thank you Lord, for however long this lasts I'll take it, I'll try to spread joy, I'll try to be a kind and caring, supportive and compassionate soul.  I'll try to see that when I feel scared, alone and isolated like during a long crash..........it can get better.  The way it feels is not always the way it will be forever and a day.  There will be breaks and there will be good days.  Not all the time.......but when they come to grab them, cherish them and be happy with what you have, that you can.......that you are able. 
sigh, all this happy has worn me out...............hugs!  your friend, twirly bird