Jarring

So when I wake up in the morning I always pull out my cell phone and scroll through my facebook feed and instagram.  Lo and behold first thing I open up to is my friend's post about how she just booked aiprlane tickets to all these different european cities and then a few cities in america and will be traveling for 6 months.  this is my friend who lives next door, that i lived with in university, and who has been a mentor of sorts to me.  she is very successful and hard working and is basically a "personal branding coach" and works entirely online.  she is really earning a name for herself and manifesting the reality she wants.  anyway, i am so jealous and it made me realize how powerless i feel again.....i'm always broke.  all i want to do is travel.  so i skyped my mom this morning and vented.  it's not that i'm jealous of my friend--her personality is not what i envy---but i envy her sucess and money and ability to travel freely like this.  so after thinking it over, i am using this as further fuel to devote myself to my business and make more money.  at this point i just want to be able to save 1,200 a month....if i could just earn 2,000....1000 from teaching and 1000 from my business.  to start this would be perfect.    

i got a little penguin tattooed on my heel last night.  it turned out really cute!  it is next to a heart my friend had tattooed on me a while back.  my friend is dead now.  i still want this back tattoo piece--it is two cats with wings--bestat, the egyptian cat god--not the sphinx---they are facing each other, one is male (he kind of has a pharoh like beard outline of his face) and one is female and they have kind of like jeweled cuffs on their neck and ankles.  it's a really cool etching i found.  i'm scared to get it because it is all in the artist's hand......and i will be so sad if i comes out bad!  i'm a perfectionist.  but i know i want this and if i comes out good i know it will empower me.  it's really quite beautiful and meaningful to me.  i have half my hair shaved now too....and i just feel that i am trying to balance feminine and masculine energies.........within myself.

anyway, i am going to get down to business and do some sewing right now.  i am trying out a new way to make straps using a fusible interface fabric and i pray i get it right and it doesn't turn into a difficult challenge. 

grateful:  grateful the tatoo is cute.  at the last minute i had him move it, i almost didn't want to say anything because people were waiting to get tattoos but i'm glad i did (they stencil it on your skin first and then go over the outline with the tattoo gun).  i will have this the rest of my life!  also,  am glad i have a business idea and skills....after all i could be floundering about with no ideas at all.  

desire: i desire to implement a steadfast work ethic.  today i am going to work for two hours on my sewing.  then i have to run an errand for my friend, which is kidn of annoying, but whatever.  then when i get back from that i want to do yoga and make a necklace for my etsy shop, then i will teach and after i teach i want to go to a co-working space and work on my writing.  this is the schedule i desire to stick to.  a day at a time.

brags: i worked on my sewing yesterday for an hour and a half, went to the fabric market (which i had been putting off for months), and i got the tattoo i wanted.  making shit happen.  if i can do this consistenly my etsy shop should be up in no time.

the penguin reminds me of my pop-pop--he always wanted a penguin!  it also reminds me of three different boyfriends i have had......all for different reasons.  it's super cute!