It's Really Wearing On Me.

Nobody will ever be like her and nobody gets it like she did. It's become an extremely difficult realization and every part of me is so angry about it. It's easier to be angry about it than sad.

And nothing has been looking up for me. It's just stress building on stress and now that I've lived away from my family a bit we all get at each other's throats and I'm really starting to lose my temper. I thought my mom would understand why I've been acting the way I do. And all anyone can throw around is "I think you should do this." "You're crazy for wanting to go back to Delaware." "Why leave again in May when you'll have a better paying job here?" Nothing but my words going in one ear and out another with them. My grandma wouldn't be questioning any of it if she were here to listen to me.

I have a bunch of old prescription meds on the top of the fridge here at home and I can't even begin to describe how difficult it is to stop myself when I'm stressed out and upset about everything. I could stop everything that's hurting me and bothering me. I keep telling myself to give it more time, but I've been telling myself this for a bit too long and my patience is running short.

If I weren't waiting on everything to come in the mail from one thing and other places to process other stuff and my job that I desperately need to start very soon then it wouldn't be so bad. However, my whole life is on a pause until different things come in like they should have already. Everything is linked to everything and I'm really feeling at a loss in this situation. I don't even have the money to find the place to live where my job is located that is supposed to be starting in the next week. I can't drive an hour and a half in snow and ice with a 2 wheel drive vehicle over hills and mountains. I just have too much going on and I am really breaking down. Everything is just so hopeless.....