It's officially over..
If everything went as planned he was married an hour ago to his new love. I realized deep in my heart I didn't think he'd go through with it. That he'd realize what a major mistake he was making and call me. No call. I have nothing against her. She probably has no idea of what happened. At least I'm going to think that because no one is stupid enough to marry someone who would treat another person that way. I'd they'd do it once, they can do it again. I know in my head this is the best thing for me. I'm not a glutton for punishment - he treated me badly and betrayed me at a very basic level. There is no way to explain that away. But there is still that piece that remembers the good times and whispers in my brain - what was wrong with me that made him do it. What was wrong with me that he didn't push to make things better and just walked away instead. I was not good enough or just enough for him. So while I blame him for quite a bit on how he handled things - I want badly to know what was the trigger to start looking around. Will this warp me for other relationships? Will I always be looking for another man to betray me. How can I give my heart again ? Those of you out there that were cheated on - do you ever truely, wholeheartedly, trust again? Or is there always that tiny voice saying - did you see how he just checked his phone? Didn't answer that text.......
Replies
Yea I have that small tiny voice, but mine is understandable dealing with my dad cheating, to both of my husband's cheating, I feel your pain. In saying that, I also know that there are men out there that truly do love their wives and wouldn't cheat but that is a very low percentage. What I have learned is, if a man's gonna cheat, nothing you can do about it, even though it hurts, sticking to your boundaries and principles is more important, because you're taking care of yourself and being true to who you are. I wish there were signs of a cheater, but I think your gut would know.
I also believe it is too soon to know, for him, if he believes he made a mistake, he just got married, he won't know that for atleast two years or maybe he had to hurry up and marry her because she gave him an ultimatum, or he didn't want her to know who he really is.
I hope you know it's not about you that he cheated, it's not your fault, nothing you could have done would've made things different. He is probably got his own justification and it sits right with him, which is something now she will have to deal with, and luckily you don't.
I also learned long time ago, (because I use to do this) when u have to start checking their phone, or looking for evidence of cheating, you already lost the marriage.
Hugs pm me anytime.