is it ok

memories have recently resurfaced about an old friend from years ago......and I never apologized to them. I did the same thing my current ex did to me. Everything was fine but then I just dropped all communication with them, my reasoning was because my bf at the time said he didnt like him and if I didnt cut all ties with him that he would leave me. This was back when I was still in my early 20's and believed my bf at the time was my world.......I know after what I did I dont deserve to ever hear from him again but I've been actively trying to ask his old friends if he's still around but so far no one seems to know what happened to him. He doesnt have fb and no one knows his current phone number......I hope he's still alive, all I want to do is to apologize for bing selfish, childish and if he tells me to never speak to him again then thats fine. At least then I'll know he's still alive.