Interesting... (for me anyway...)
So, today I spoke to one of my friends (she used to be in an abusive relationship and I knew she would understand), she is not a v close friend but we used to wok together and always got on well. She said that she will ask her parents, as they have an annex to their house and she said she thought I could move in there if needs must. And they said that I am welcome any time for any length of time! How kind are they??!! They don't even know me. This takes off so much pressure!
I viewed a couple of properties (non of them were suitable) and the owner of the 2nd one told me she was a police officer working with domestic abuse victims. I asked if she thought abusers are capable of change, and she said she never saw one change; they don't change. So why am I still holding out some hope deep inside my heart that my bf will stop hurting me and change?? I'm confused cause Lundy Bancroft says in his book ('Why does he do that?') that they can change if they want to and that only about 3% of the abusers are actually psychopaths / sociopaths or have Personality Disorders. He worked with over 2000 abusers (an kept in touch with their partners to get feedback and their side of the story) and he says they can change. I so wish he would not abuse me again because when he isn't abusive, he is the nicest guy in the world and has so many incredibly positive qualities, and qualities that are v important to me. I so wanted this to work. If I move out because it doesn't work, I won't get into a relationship for a while and just work on me. Get some help to break my pattern. I counted last nigh; I had relationships with 12 abusers / narcissists! 12!!! I was shocked! I still am.
What is giving me a bit of hope is that he says he doesn't want to be like this and he hates himself for being abusive to me; he has been working on himself and had some successes, but I think I'm so fed up with the abuse that I became hypersensitive and it takes me longer and longer to get over an abusive episode.
Also, re: his ex-wife, I took the courage to call her today but found out that she actually only worked at that resort for less, than a month; so maybe my bf WAS actually telling me the truth, that she got jobs but she used to quit after a few weeks. So maybe he wasn't lying about her.
We'll see how things go, but with making escape routes and all the developments, I am feeling slightly better!
Thanks for all the support!
I viewed a couple of properties (non of them were suitable) and the owner of the 2nd one told me she was a police officer working with domestic abuse victims. I asked if she thought abusers are capable of change, and she said she never saw one change; they don't change. So why am I still holding out some hope deep inside my heart that my bf will stop hurting me and change?? I'm confused cause Lundy Bancroft says in his book ('Why does he do that?') that they can change if they want to and that only about 3% of the abusers are actually psychopaths / sociopaths or have Personality Disorders. He worked with over 2000 abusers (an kept in touch with their partners to get feedback and their side of the story) and he says they can change. I so wish he would not abuse me again because when he isn't abusive, he is the nicest guy in the world and has so many incredibly positive qualities, and qualities that are v important to me. I so wanted this to work. If I move out because it doesn't work, I won't get into a relationship for a while and just work on me. Get some help to break my pattern. I counted last nigh; I had relationships with 12 abusers / narcissists! 12!!! I was shocked! I still am.
What is giving me a bit of hope is that he says he doesn't want to be like this and he hates himself for being abusive to me; he has been working on himself and had some successes, but I think I'm so fed up with the abuse that I became hypersensitive and it takes me longer and longer to get over an abusive episode.
Also, re: his ex-wife, I took the courage to call her today but found out that she actually only worked at that resort for less, than a month; so maybe my bf WAS actually telling me the truth, that she got jobs but she used to quit after a few weeks. So maybe he wasn't lying about her.
We'll see how things go, but with making escape routes and all the developments, I am feeling slightly better!
Thanks for all the support!
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