Inner child splits and merges
From this mornings meditation practice:
I ask digital belle (a projection of the real belle - a 10 year old inner child) if she would go away if I was no longer fearful. She said she would not. She says that fear is the manifestation of her hate - her anger - her ability to perform as if nothing bad was happening. she HATES the mom. This is in stark contrast to the real Belle. She is so sad to not have the love of her mother. She longs so deeply for this. I have to get to the real belle and some how comfort her. Let her know that we are still ok without the mom. Digital belle is currently in charge . I don’t know how to get to that part of me that misses, longs and loves a mother. the real belle wants a mom to protect her from the dad, to step in and tell her that it will all be ok. that she wants the mom to say that she is the adult that loves belle so much and would do anything to keep her safe. in fact the opposite of all those things is true. so what does belle do - she creates digital belle to have pure hate towards the mom -and burries the longing she has for a normal mom - because it wont ever happen.
Replies
Have you told Digital Belle what a good job she is doing keeping Center Belle safe? The way you speak of her ego (which is not a bad thing) it may be that she just wants some attention for being so brave and protective. Something I would say to my girls was "Thank you very much for all you are doing to keep yourself safe. You are very brave and I can see how strong you are." A 'Thank you' goes a long way with inner children. As do apologies. My feeling is to treat Digital Belle as a separate inner child. As if she has consciousness of her own separate from center Belle. This will give her the attention she craves.
Another thing I did with my inner children was let them destroy the abuser. In this case since there is so much hatred towards the mother maybe ask Digital Belle how she would like to destroy the mother. I usually did this step after I had rescued my inner child, then I would empower them to free themselves by destroying the abuser. Please only do this step of you feel comfortable with it because sometimes inner children can have some pretty gruesome ways of destroying abusers (mine did). Maybe empowering Digital Belle to do something with her anger will help. You know her best though so please take cues from her. You can also ask her what she wants to do with all her anger and take cues from her. Then let her do it.
Thank you LuckyEmpath. These are really great ideas. I think your absolutely right that digital belle wants some credit for the amazing work she has done. The fact is that she did keep everyone safe for a very long time. I will treat her separate from real belle. Maybe I can ask digital belle to help me get to real belle. I also love the idea of destroying the abuser. I have turned my anger into various animals destroying the abuser - but I like this idea of giving the power to digital belle - I think she would like that. Thanks so much for your very helpful suggestions :)
Keep us posted on how both Belle's, and you too of course, are doing. :-)