i wont message him, so I'll write it here

jon,

No more I'm sorry's, no more begging you to listen or having hope that its all gonna be ok. I didnt want to see it when we talked but thanks to Kendra and other friends I came to realize our relationship from the start was emotionally unstable. I was right, I should have followed my gut and said I didnt want to be your girlfriend so soon, I wanted to date a little longer but like an idiot I decided to jump right in. Nearly every fight we had was started by you, not me. All I ever did was attempt to open up to you and vent then you would take whatever words that struck you the most and twist them into, " she wants to break up she wants to break up why doesnt she have any confidense? It's only been a few months and she still doesnt have more hope for this relationship? After everything I've done for her and us?!"

I think you should also seek professional help, your temper and the way you lash out when your scared is so irrational I'm very proud of myself and mad at myself for sticking around so long.

I cooked, cleaned and did everything I could for you everytime I came over. Even on the days you just wanted to game and be in your own world I still waited paitently for you to finish so I could hang out with my boyfriend.

I cant be sorry any more for hurting you, I gave you a mountain's worth of those so you can just pick from the pile when you need one. Your right, I didnt give 100% of myself to the relationship since we only dated....how long? since february? Because I wasnt stupid and I wanted to take things slow. Yet you got mad and yelled at me, whenever you thought I was gonna leave, whenever I tried to open up, when I tried to listen to you but didnt do it right. YOU yelled at me.

I dont need to or want to justify myself for the way I vented because I know it wasnt healthy. But unlike you I'm working on myself, unlike you I'm not hiding in the safety of my house hoping to get better without contacting anyone. And unlike you I dont give up on people and lash out at them when I'm scared.

I still care just enough to want to try and be friends in the future but that wont be for a long time after all the things you did to me at the end of the relationship. I already forgave you but that doesnt mean I accpet your behavior. And dont worry, I know you need time to fix yourself in the way you always do but you need to see that its not doing you any good anymore.

If you dont start changing the way you react when something "seems" to be going bad your never gonna be ready for a serious relationship. I'll say this once because I care, Please get some kind of help and talk to people.