I wish I never came home...

I went away for a couple weeks, went up north to 70 mile house and left my world behind... I had no internet and no cell phone reception (except for when in the city but even then I didn't use it much). Since I've been back, I've found myself falling into a depression.. I've tried talking to my best friend, just casually...but...since I left, there's this distance growing between us. I feel like crying all the time...I wish I never came home... I was in the most amazing place, having an amazing time, and I was happier than I've been in so long... I'm 150+ days sober, and I want to drink because I feel alone and I feel like I have no one. "love you get over in 2 months, big love you get over in 2 years, great love....great love changes you forever" or..something like that... I watched a movie, and the quote went something like that. My great love, he's gone, I still think about him, I re-read old text messages and I miss him and i bawl my eyes out. I just wish I could go back to where I have no reminders of everything that sucks in my life. I'm supposed to be tested for cancer in a couple days assuming I'm able to get tested... I'm scared. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I just want to leave....