i think i am a little bit depressed

my surroundings are not familiar. it's fucking cold all the time, which is exciting but painful, my amazing job opportunity turned out to be a joke and now i'm broke AGAIN, like always, my boyfriend is a huge part of my heart and my life but i'm forced to go about things like he's in the background, i owe money everywhere and the bill collectors can't even speak english, let alone pronounce my last name... my cousin just got engaged which is thrilling but also reinforces the fact that i have decided to live my life on a different path from the one i followed growing up and this makes me want to punch a wall and thank the lord all at once. my neck has been ridiculously stiff from hunching up in the cold and probably from feeling anxious and sorry for myself. i find myself staring at sentimental images and sayings and then "liking" them on facebook because i don't feel inspired to do anything else. when the sun comes out it looks like 8am all day because it's so low in the sky. i'm just not used to it. and so i feel grumpy and disoriented and spend way too much time on the computer. i've been on this damn thing all day looking for work. i have 40 bucks to my name and i feel like a loser. which is ridiculous because i now have a music project i'm involved in, i have part time work at least, i have a show on saturday, and i've been getting plenty of sleep. it's like i'm fighting this thing and it's still being an asshole. i must have inherited some genetic defect from my family. i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and god damn it all people like me, but i just wish i was transitioning better.