I should have seen this sooner

It's been about four months since I started working through all of this. Since I started, I keep having this weird sort of gut feeling that I thought would go away, but it hasn't. I call it a gut feeling because I don't know what else to call it. It's not quite a thought. It's like an idea that pops into my head fully formed and I don't need to put it into words or think about it to understand it. It feels almost like an emotion, but it isn't. I'd call it intuition if it made any sense, and that's how my paranoia always feels so sometimes it's hard to trust actual intuition. Anyway, I keep getting this feeling that I'm just making all of this up, that I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me, and I just need to snap out of it. I know not to trust that feeling, but it doesn't matter whether it's right or wrong. Either way, I'm psychotic. My illness may be trying to keep me from getting better, but at least it isn't subtle about it.