I really wanna look!!!

I have a real bad habit of checking up on my husband. The phones are in my name so I can see every number that calls/texts. I used to do this when he was on the verge of relapse, in fact me finding out about who he was talking to prevented a relapse after I had a counselor come into our home and talk to him.
But now he has been working longer hours. And that makes me nervous. I have a fear that he will talk to his old using friends or he is talking to exes. I know it's not healthy for our  marriage for me to check up on him, and it only makes me feel more crazy and anxious. I'm trying to have a "I don't care" attitude about it, that if that's the choice he makes I can move on. But I fear that pain, that hurt. I don't want to resort back to my old habits because of fear.