I pray for strength ....

Two things find me both in prayer and debates with God tonight. The first ... a young local girl seems to be losing her battle with brain cancer. It seems so sad and I ache for her family.she'll be I Gods loving arms without pain but her family will never fully recover. I pray the can cherish their time and know her smile, her courage, her heart had a community holding hands for her in celebration and now prayer. Her parents are about to join this club whose dues cost too much and no one ever wanted to be part of. So say a little prayer for Haley's family for God to hold them up as they need him most. My second is down right anger. I work a difficult job I truly feel led to after my sons passing. I do psych rehab and its trying some days. I had a person we support really tick me off tonight because everyone is to blame for his addiction except him. He's special and obviously so because he's still here. It honest to goodness to every ounce of restraint not to let loose on him. Frustrating!!! Not because he's an addict but because he has no desire to change and feels entitled to use the system. To look me in the face speaking those lies ....all I know is God graced me w/ great restraint tonight. I don't make excuses for my sons poor choices but even when drowning in his addiction he knew his choices were wrong he just could seem to see beyond them. To be told you're going to sue me ...my agency ....because you're expected to follow the guidelines you were aware of before move in to our rehab and get upset when you were caught in your own lie ....ugh!!! I tell myself he's someone's child but then he uses his own children as pawns. My compassions walked out at that moment. You choose pills over your child's safety ....you're not worthy of those children. I fought 4 long difficult years to save my child w/ negative results and you walk away for a 30 day supply of meds you'll use in less than 2 weeks. Why is his life more valuable than my sons? Randy made 18 yes and this guy is 40 ...is there reason in there? I felt so much of the old me ....the mom new to this journey surface today and she's not someone I'm proud of. I spend my life helping those in need to honor my son. The chance that maybe ...just maybe I'll make a difference to just one. Most days I leave feeling I did that. Tonight I was reminded darkness still exists. Solution? Work harder tomorrow ...stand stronger tomorrow ...and most of all have faith in Gods greater plan that I will one day understand.  Ending with prayers and ((( hugs))) for Haley. May God comfort her through her next phase and guide her family along their journey as they realize they shared one of Gods greatest gifts .... to love a child.