I need

Exept  all that´s going on with everybody else in my world. I have my own problems. I need someone to see that Im not okay. I need someone to understand that everyday is a battle over who gets to rule, the bad or the good thoughts. I need someone who can listen when I need to talk. But I can´t go to anyone I know and I can´t afford a psycologist. The only one I can acctually sometimes turn to haven´t returned any of my phonecalls for weeks. I need someone that can hold me when I need it. I need someone that understands that when I cry or when Im mad I don´t usually know the reason But it doesn´t stop it from hurting. I need someone to help me start climbing again. Im stuck. And the bad guys are pulling on my legs. Wanting me to fall down in the darkness again. I need someone to tell me that I´ll be okay. Cause Im not always sure. I need someone to be strong when I can´t. To hold my hand when Im scared.  I just need someone. I have all this people around me but I still feel so alone. I got God. He does all this. And i am thankful for that cause otherwise I don´t know what I would do. But I need a person too. Someone that´s concrete.  Basically, and this sounds so wrong and bad and like Im thinking Im better then everybody else which absolutley don´t think. But I basically need someone to be for me what I have been  to others. But Im unfair. How can I expect them to be there for me when they don´t know something´s wrong? But somehow I just don´t want to have to tell them. I know. It´s stupid