I miss my best friend (written fri 19th at 1:45am)

I wrote this a few days ago, it's still how I feel, I was having a really rough night and writing is my only way to get myself out of the darkness. 
 
I miss my best friend.... I feel like there's a void, an emptiness in me..in my life... I know I should be mad at him, furious really...I was livid, I still can't believe what he said to me, how he hurt me, but I miss him... He won't speak to me all because I because I became friends with someone he hates & yes, now I am seeing that person but Scott doesn't even know that. I miss having him in my life, I miss just hanging out & having a good time together..... I love him, I have for years, but I know nothing will ever happen again, we have history together, but he's made it very clear he never wants more than a friendship, well..now he doesn't even want that. I texted him when my mom was in her car accident...he knows me, he knows my mom, he knows her health problems & how severe a car accident could be.. Yet, he didn't text me back.... Back in December I went to his work christmas party with him so he wouldn't be alone surrounded by couples (somewhat) recently after a break up, that same evening my mom had to go to the hospital & he offered & practically insisted we go because he could see the heart ache, pain & worry in my eyes.. My mom had been really sick, coughing like crazy & we thought she had a hernia..she had had it for a week already before finally telling anyone how bad it was (she complained of some pain, nothing that raised flags) and my brother drove her to the ER for what we were expecting was going to be an emergency surgery. My mom is 62, has had 3 heart attacks & open heart surgery, has lupus, epilepsy, hyper or hypo thyroidism, kidney failure, possible lung cancer (she doesn't want to get checked/too scared to know), early-onset Alzheimer's... There's probably more that I can't think of off the top of my head.. My mom isn't doing well, she has a few years to live & a car accident like the one she had could have killed her...and my best friend couldn't get over himself long enough to ask if she was even okay... I am mad at him, but I still miss him like crazy... He's been one of my best friends for the past 5 years...and he just walked out...