I'm an idiot....
So today I am 8dp5dt....and I'm pretty much an idiot, I took a HPT ( not an early one, a cheapy one) last night and this morning and saw one big line......so now I'm upset and I did it to myself. I've just heard that many people will have positives as early as 6 days past a 5 day transfer and I really feel like this first IVF is a bust. I have period like cramps and I just know my body and in my heart I know I'm not pregnant. But of course I have to wait untl the Beta test on Monday and I feel like it's a waste of time.
I really don't know why I do this to myself, I honestly don't feel it's EVER going to happen for me and I'm so tired of people telling me to be positive when all I'm used to hearing is no, no and no. I guess you can say I'm angry right now, feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've already taken myself out the game when I know logically that I'm still in it.
Why does this have to be so hard....
I really don't know why I do this to myself, I honestly don't feel it's EVER going to happen for me and I'm so tired of people telling me to be positive when all I'm used to hearing is no, no and no. I guess you can say I'm angry right now, feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've already taken myself out the game when I know logically that I'm still in it.
Why does this have to be so hard....
Replies
IF is a bitch. A mean, vindictive, evil bitch. I am sorry you are hurting and scared today, BUT I think you need to remember that there were several factors working against you here. It was most definitely too early. Cheap, unreliable test. I know it\'s hard when you feel like your gut is telling you it\'s a bust. I was just telling my husband, though, that I think IF messes with our ability to trust our gut. There have been so many months when I was just sure...and I was wrong. And the month that I was...I had no idea. This fight makes us so unsure of everything and I think we end up with this inability to know whether it\'s just our brain hoping, losing hope, or if it\'s real.
I\'m sending you lots of love and hugs friend.
OMG if this makes you an idiot, then girl you are in a village of them on DS, because most ALL of us have done this, and more than once. Apparently the torture it provides doesn\'t even teach us a lesson, because we do it over and over and over again. Fingers crossed for your REAL test!
I think we are all idiots with you. We all do it to ourselves hoping that damn line will appear. I feel for you and pray that it was just too early to test. IF is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life and as we always say...we understand exactly what you are feeling. Praying for your BFP on Monday! xoxo
Thank you ladies for making me realize that this is a normal part of the process and that I\'m not a crazy person. IF is so hard and he HPT are evil! Holding out for my Beta on Monday...