i love my man

we spent four days and three nights together in the mountains in a dingy little motel cabin. we had such a good time! no big fights, just one situation that was quickly diffused. i think of all the times i have thought i should leave him for good. but i am so glad that i didn't. i'm hoping we can go on a no-fighting streak,  or just put an end to it completely, although i know that isn't realistic... it's just that these moments are so tender and wonderful, and i want to hang on to them tightly because i never know when the cold and dark times are gonna hit.
he's changed so much, though. i don't talk to him about whether or not he has this or that mental illness. when he does neurotic things i just remember that i love him for who he is, everything. i feel that he is starting to understand this. maybe some kind of ability to trust is brewing within him. he may never be able to trust that i will not abandon him, but i think he is learning to trust that my love for him is very real. and in the not-trying-to-get-him-to-acknowledge-his-problem technique i have adapted, he is, lo and behold, acknowledging his problem. 
i miss him, though. it's hard not living with him, not sleeping with him every night. it's hard going a few days with only a text or two of contact, but i know that this is, at least for now, the only way that i can be myself without it being a threat to him. i've thought about this a good deal. if i wanted to leave him and find the relationship in which living together was possible, i could. but it wouldn't be with HIM, and without my permission my heart went and decided that this was the one i wanted most. the distance certainly does keep the passion alive and healthy, and gives us two strong and stubborn individuals the opportunity to maintain our strong and stubborn individuality. but i still have the fantasy of one day living together in a big house with many rooms, so that we may have our space, but a space together. where i could once again be the time traveler's wife...