I know I shouldn't
Getting ready to start another construction project on my house. Yes.. I know... I have a long list of the reasons I should NOT do this ...BUT...
Bought my house almost 7 years ago, with a plan to complete renovations in 3 years. Hmph! That was before CFS. Started getting sick 5 years ago (almost 6) so over the years, in the two or so good periods I get each year, I have tried to do a bit of work on the house.
The work is usually unfinished because I usually crash before it is completed. I get horrible quality because I am usually too exhausted to follow through to ensure that issues identified are resolved.
BUT - I'm getting there. Amazingly, as the other aspects of my life have shut down, slowly but surely I can see the pieces of the puzzle coming together. I look around me at able-bodied folks who are content to dream .. they would never take on a project of the scale of mine .. and they never accomplish it. I am accomplishing it! Painfully slowly.. but its getting done.
On the down side, I have lived in a construction site for 7 years .. that is not for the faint of heart and not something I'd recommend if it can be avoided.
However - need to check my head - I have noticed that given the choice between completely finishing one section of the house, or plugging away at the big picture .. I invariably choose the big picture. eg My bathroom currently has no tiles .. I have the tiles .. I have everything required to finish my bathroom. I just cant tolerate dealing with a contractor in my personal space right now.. so its been that way for a year.
So this is why I have been chewing on this for about 6 months now .. this next project won't finish the house, it will create yet another partially finished space which I will have to live with for who knows how long?
Yet .. I WANT TO.
Here's the funny part .. this particular choice is ALL about CFS. The new project will allow me to relocate my master bedroom. I loved my current master bedroom. I so enjoyed opening my eyes each morning and watching the sun paint the sky as it rises from behind a mountain. I enjoyed watching birds fly by, watching the wind rustling the leaves on the trees through beautiful floor-to-ceiling windows...
Now every single window is blocked by layers of drapes. This year in particular my sensitivity to light is so pronounced, its painful to sit in most rooms of my house (which is architected to take advantage of a stunning natural environment). The morning sunlight is torturous, I can only enjoy my home in the cool of the evening ... and I constantly struggle with even the filtered light through the drapes, or the sliver peeping from the corner... I am constantly arranging and rearranging the drapes.
The new location will allow me to enjoy my view, but does not get the direct sun. And I am ensuring that I put in windows which can be blacked out 100%. And I'm putting in AC so I can totally insulate myself in my cave like castle bedroom (welcome to the tropics, our homes are never closed, whole house AC is unheard of). I really hope this will go a long way toward minimizing my daily battle with the sunlight. Shame really .. but that is life with CFS...
I think the biggest driver for doing another project is .. IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. I have scaled back on work, I have shut down all the other parts of my life, I spend every spare moment resting .. I'M GOING CRAZY! I need to DO something...
I need a less expensive hobby.
Bought my house almost 7 years ago, with a plan to complete renovations in 3 years. Hmph! That was before CFS. Started getting sick 5 years ago (almost 6) so over the years, in the two or so good periods I get each year, I have tried to do a bit of work on the house.
The work is usually unfinished because I usually crash before it is completed. I get horrible quality because I am usually too exhausted to follow through to ensure that issues identified are resolved.
BUT - I'm getting there. Amazingly, as the other aspects of my life have shut down, slowly but surely I can see the pieces of the puzzle coming together. I look around me at able-bodied folks who are content to dream .. they would never take on a project of the scale of mine .. and they never accomplish it. I am accomplishing it! Painfully slowly.. but its getting done.
On the down side, I have lived in a construction site for 7 years .. that is not for the faint of heart and not something I'd recommend if it can be avoided.
However - need to check my head - I have noticed that given the choice between completely finishing one section of the house, or plugging away at the big picture .. I invariably choose the big picture. eg My bathroom currently has no tiles .. I have the tiles .. I have everything required to finish my bathroom. I just cant tolerate dealing with a contractor in my personal space right now.. so its been that way for a year.
So this is why I have been chewing on this for about 6 months now .. this next project won't finish the house, it will create yet another partially finished space which I will have to live with for who knows how long?
Yet .. I WANT TO.
Here's the funny part .. this particular choice is ALL about CFS. The new project will allow me to relocate my master bedroom. I loved my current master bedroom. I so enjoyed opening my eyes each morning and watching the sun paint the sky as it rises from behind a mountain. I enjoyed watching birds fly by, watching the wind rustling the leaves on the trees through beautiful floor-to-ceiling windows...
Now every single window is blocked by layers of drapes. This year in particular my sensitivity to light is so pronounced, its painful to sit in most rooms of my house (which is architected to take advantage of a stunning natural environment). The morning sunlight is torturous, I can only enjoy my home in the cool of the evening ... and I constantly struggle with even the filtered light through the drapes, or the sliver peeping from the corner... I am constantly arranging and rearranging the drapes.
The new location will allow me to enjoy my view, but does not get the direct sun. And I am ensuring that I put in windows which can be blacked out 100%. And I'm putting in AC so I can totally insulate myself in my cave like castle bedroom (welcome to the tropics, our homes are never closed, whole house AC is unheard of). I really hope this will go a long way toward minimizing my daily battle with the sunlight. Shame really .. but that is life with CFS...
I think the biggest driver for doing another project is .. IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. I have scaled back on work, I have shut down all the other parts of my life, I spend every spare moment resting .. I'M GOING CRAZY! I need to DO something...
I need a less expensive hobby.
Replies
Hi Max,
Just read your last entry and this one. I\'m up late wandering around DS. It sounds like a lot in going on in your mind about many things. Your mysterious unresolved new pain, health issues overall.......work, your home. I wish you well with figuring out what works best for you. Your home is a big project.........I admire it and I also kind of worry about you. When I got so sick I lived with the way things were in my home for 18 months, then I made an executive decision. I hired my adult daughter as project manager to help do the primary things that were on the list. She did a great job..........closely consulting with me, being my arms and legs so I could save energy to be able to talk with her about it all. It was hard, cause renovating is the kind of thing I so love, I had been dreaming and planning my space for a long time, so part of me didn\'t want to hand it off to anyone else. But I will tell you......once I made the decision, let it go and things got going in the middle of it sure there were times when it seemed absolutely crazy to be living part time at my daughter\'s home and part time at my son\'s home while the work was being done all at once. They redid the exterior, the roof, the first floor interior and took it basically to the top of the stairs. I still have two upper bedrooms, a bathroom and another family space left undone. I actually had it emptied out.........donated all but the sentimental things and as odd as that might sound, I am so glad I did it. I don\'t have much to look after, I can\'t do stairs and it freed up a lot of time needed to tend to all those belongings........it\'s not what most folks would probably do, but I decided to design my space for the life I live now. From the right sunblocking window coverings to wider walking areas so I could get around more easily with cane/or walker depending........a lot of days I can walk without either, but the rest of the time they are great helpers.......sorry.
All I\'m trying to say is you do what is right for you, for the life you live now........and make the decisions best for you, your son ........and don\'t worry about what anybody else might think. Now my space feels just right for me and it\'s so easy to take care of..........hard in general, but because it\'s decluttered etc......it takes a lot less time, effort, bending......all that jazz. ok sorry i\'ve talked way too long..............................we all need those things that make us feel alive........i so get that..............i\'m feeling trapped in my head right now because i have such limited energy lately...............it drives me a little batty .........sorry if i\'ve overtalked, hope i didn\'t wear you out.............take good care..............k?K!!!!! praying for you. nite!
Wow, so good to know someone has been there before me. Thank you.