I have no reason to be sad, so why am I?
I am battling depression. I've battled it for many years but it is so frustrating because I have everything to be happy for. I have a new house that isn't old and isn't falling apart. My bills are paid. I have a good, safe, reliable car to drive.
This morning I woke up to a Valentines Day cake, a card with some money in it and an orchid plant from Frank, and yet, when he left for work I sat and cried. I cry in private alot when he's gone.
Maybe I need a new antidepressant. I don't know. Then I feel guilty when his little dog sits and wimpers and cries just because she wants me to pet her and I get upset and yell at the little thing to be quiet. Does that make me a bad person? I feel guilty for feeling so sad. I feel guilty when I feel like I'm not good enough and have failed. I feel guilty knowing that I have so many things to be happy for and yet, I'm not happy. What's wrong with me?
My depression isn't for lack of trying to get better. I'm working with a psychologist. I'm learning how to control my thinking to overcome my panic attacks. I'm doing so much better with my panic attacks. So, why do I still sit and cry?
This morning I woke up to a Valentines Day cake, a card with some money in it and an orchid plant from Frank, and yet, when he left for work I sat and cried. I cry in private alot when he's gone.
Maybe I need a new antidepressant. I don't know. Then I feel guilty when his little dog sits and wimpers and cries just because she wants me to pet her and I get upset and yell at the little thing to be quiet. Does that make me a bad person? I feel guilty for feeling so sad. I feel guilty when I feel like I'm not good enough and have failed. I feel guilty knowing that I have so many things to be happy for and yet, I'm not happy. What's wrong with me?
My depression isn't for lack of trying to get better. I'm working with a psychologist. I'm learning how to control my thinking to overcome my panic attacks. I'm doing so much better with my panic attacks. So, why do I still sit and cry?
Replies
Many Prayers... I hope you Feel Better Soon... You may have a \" Deeper \" Depression... maybe you need New Meds to help you more...
Hi Kacey, I am so sorry i did not see your journal and I am a bit late. But I wanted you to know that if you ever want to chat i will be here to listen. So message me at anytime. You are such a wonderful friend. Hugs
Hi Kacey,
From someone who spent a long time in the blackest hole of Clinical Depression, I can relate to everything you have said. I\'m not sure if a family doctor or psychiatrist is looking after your medication but but it could be worthwhile to see a psychiatrist and get a meds check because you may need a new med or, as I did, a \"cocktail\" of meds, one of which I\'m still taking over four years later. Be gentle on yourself. Depression is an illness like any physical illness and, no matter how much you want to get better, you aren\'t in control. If you want to message me, please do. I know so well how isolating and scary D. is.
Hugs
i think its good to cry. your physically letting out your sadness or what effects u. hang in there.
Its good to cry, honey. The dog I think was crying for you. They\'re very smart that way. I understand its agitating and its understanding. But just know that you have a little doggie to love you as a gift! and of course You\'re right, you do have a lot to be thankful for. You\'ve got your health (thank god) :p so remember if you cry, hold the dog and let it cry with you. (hugs) smile, and remember we are here if you need somebody! :)