I hate this feeling...

I just got back from vacation, and while I was gone I felt so free, so happy... but now I'm back home, and reality is sinking in and so is the depression. I can't help but remember everything and everyone I've lost, and the possibility of cancer is tormenting me. I hate feeling this depressed, I just feel like I want to hide in my room and cry for days....I was so happy... I hate the city, I hate reality, I hate feeling so depressed. I'm not fully over my ex adam, and I'm sure everyone knows it including my current boyfriend Dion, but who could expect me to be over him? We were together for just under 3 years, had talked about marriage and kids, we had our life planned out together and when we broke up we had every intention of getting back together.. It's hard not having him in my life at all, we don't communicate in any way... don't talk, text, see one another... I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I hate feeling so depressed and so down.. It's not exactly like I can talk to my boyfriend about all of it either, and I feel disconnected from my best friends since I was gone for so long with no cell reception/internet..