I hate it here.
The pain in my chest is back. But even with that I finally found the words to say what I have been feeling for a little while now.
I hate everything about this world we live in. I hate the society and how everyone is superficial materialistic latter climbing kiss ups. And there is no way around that. That is fate. I don't want that.
Atleast before you are 18 you still get a sense of what it is to truly be free, you have breathing room. But once that birthday hits you are sucked into a world of egotistic big wigs and you only make it okay if you are a major kiss ass. I can barely survive in the world I live in now, I would never make it then. And I don't want to. Or plan to.
I wonder what it would be like to be dead. If everything just turns off or if there is more, like another life. I don't even know if I believe in God anymore. What I have experienced tells me no, but what I have been taught tells me yes. If experience and lessons don't match up, what do you go by. Others' words, or what you have seen and felt with your own eyes?
I wonder what death would be like. I picture it as like going to sleep, if you do it the right way. And if you take it on calmly. It is inevitable anyhow, so why fear it? Why, because its not your time? Your dying already aren't you? And whats so great about this place?
We COULD have peace and harmony, but we have currupted people running the world, who's to even say the world should be "ran". Fuck that. I want out of here.
This world causes me nothing but pain. In my chest, to where I can't breathe. Sobbing, because of confusion about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. Fear, of the dumbest things and people I don't even know. And nothing to look forward too.
I hate it here. And I don't plan on being here long.
I hate everything about this world we live in. I hate the society and how everyone is superficial materialistic latter climbing kiss ups. And there is no way around that. That is fate. I don't want that.
Atleast before you are 18 you still get a sense of what it is to truly be free, you have breathing room. But once that birthday hits you are sucked into a world of egotistic big wigs and you only make it okay if you are a major kiss ass. I can barely survive in the world I live in now, I would never make it then. And I don't want to. Or plan to.
I wonder what it would be like to be dead. If everything just turns off or if there is more, like another life. I don't even know if I believe in God anymore. What I have experienced tells me no, but what I have been taught tells me yes. If experience and lessons don't match up, what do you go by. Others' words, or what you have seen and felt with your own eyes?
I wonder what death would be like. I picture it as like going to sleep, if you do it the right way. And if you take it on calmly. It is inevitable anyhow, so why fear it? Why, because its not your time? Your dying already aren't you? And whats so great about this place?
We COULD have peace and harmony, but we have currupted people running the world, who's to even say the world should be "ran". Fuck that. I want out of here.
This world causes me nothing but pain. In my chest, to where I can't breathe. Sobbing, because of confusion about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. Fear, of the dumbest things and people I don't even know. And nothing to look forward too.
I hate it here. And I don't plan on being here long.
Replies
I am sorry you are so young and have so much pain....I was out on my own very young age 16 and struggled very bad but honestly never hated the world. I know its not always easy but in general I do try to be positve through ups and downs and you do have alot of pain for your age as I read your journal here. Sending HUGS and hoping you don\'t see dealth as the way to go because I don\'t think it is.....
Thank you very much, this means alot
Life is full of ups and downs. We all go through our tough times but nothing in life stays the same. So just know the struggles and hard times you are going through now will change. Everyone will die when the time is right. Like the saying says - this too shall pass. Keep your head up, stay strong and be kind to yourself.
Hugs!