I feel like my life is "Groundhog Day" !!
I woke up this morning and after getting ready for work, had a few minutes so I looked on Facebook. Again the first post I see is about the death of a young man from our community. I went to high school with and was friends with his mom. Later I got to work with him as well as his two sisters when then were in elementary school and reconnected with his mom. He had the biggest, deep brown eyes I've ever seen and a smile that was contagious. He had that ornery look about him that always made you smile knowing he was up to something. A very sweet young man and now he's gone. 26 years old, a sweet little one who lost her daddy and why? One STUPID choice ... 60 seconds to take it all away. For what? Nothing ... a disease that claims one after another without empathy for parents, kids, loved ones in general. It just consumes one after another after another after another.
For me, it brings everything back to the front of my memory. It's as though it's March 16, 2003 all over again. I relive it all over with each of these deaths of sweet souls that I've been blessed to know. My heart has been in a constant ache the past few months.
Why is it 2016 and this is still an issue? We have technology, we have insight, we have tests and devices, law enforcement and military yet we are slaves to drugs. We let them into our country, into our states, into our community, to our kids ... WE LET THIS HAPPEN. When is enough enough? You can't convince me there isn't a way to stop this insanity. Look at what we have accomplished as a society. This war is one we can fight ... and more importantly win. Stop trying to TELL me I can't own a gun ... I have to have insurance ... I can't have fries with my happy meal ... what I really want is a stance to end this drug epidemic in our country. I am not a violent person but honestly when it comes to drug dealers ~ shoot a dose of their beloved drug into their body and pray Narcan comes in time. Stop it at the borders ... bust the dealers ... bust the buyers. Jail isn't the answer but this has to stop.
I've shared before that I work in psych rehab and a large part of my teams supports are those with dual diagnosis of mental health & addictions. It's been rough being a small community and trying to keep everyone positive, on track and clean. This week I've left late every night having to take extra time to talk with people struggling. I have a few who are feeling like they want to use and trying to keep them positive, on track and clean is heartbreaking. Heartbreaking because it's one thing to stand there and tell them how great they are doing, the changes in their life, how they are amazing & a leader when the people they go to NA with are dying all around them. It's just sad.
I sat at work today wearing the mask I've perfected that doesn't allow most to see the pain in my heart. I'm a pro at it now. I found myself just wanting to pack it in and take off just to breathe. It was a long day and sitting here tonight my heart aches for D's family, his child ... the fact that he is gone too soon. I know what his mom is feeling ~ how empty, pained and even that mom guilt we all have about "not being able to fix it".
Then there's the weighing worry about our niece and nephew. They are still in temporary foster care. Taking them in is a concern because we love them, we want them safe and I know we won't be able to let them go into full time foster care if that is the decision in June. We did get to talk to them this week and they sounded great. They had gotten our Easter mailing and our nephew his birthday presents. They were in great moods, silly and talkative. It made us both feel better having heard from them. It will be a huge change in our life but in the end - if it's meant to be, it will be. I just have to deal with the "mom guilt" I have about Randy Lee.
I pray our nation gets control over this drug problems. That we find a way to overcome addictions ... to end the cycle. I don't think Narcan is the answer in the hands of non-medical professionals but then I'm not sure what is the answer. Maybe we need to go back to simpler times and not be a society full of TV, Video games, movies, etc based in violence and death. I wish I knew the answer to save one more mom to know this horrible ache. That would be my wish.
For me, it brings everything back to the front of my memory. It's as though it's March 16, 2003 all over again. I relive it all over with each of these deaths of sweet souls that I've been blessed to know. My heart has been in a constant ache the past few months.
Why is it 2016 and this is still an issue? We have technology, we have insight, we have tests and devices, law enforcement and military yet we are slaves to drugs. We let them into our country, into our states, into our community, to our kids ... WE LET THIS HAPPEN. When is enough enough? You can't convince me there isn't a way to stop this insanity. Look at what we have accomplished as a society. This war is one we can fight ... and more importantly win. Stop trying to TELL me I can't own a gun ... I have to have insurance ... I can't have fries with my happy meal ... what I really want is a stance to end this drug epidemic in our country. I am not a violent person but honestly when it comes to drug dealers ~ shoot a dose of their beloved drug into their body and pray Narcan comes in time. Stop it at the borders ... bust the dealers ... bust the buyers. Jail isn't the answer but this has to stop.
I've shared before that I work in psych rehab and a large part of my teams supports are those with dual diagnosis of mental health & addictions. It's been rough being a small community and trying to keep everyone positive, on track and clean. This week I've left late every night having to take extra time to talk with people struggling. I have a few who are feeling like they want to use and trying to keep them positive, on track and clean is heartbreaking. Heartbreaking because it's one thing to stand there and tell them how great they are doing, the changes in their life, how they are amazing & a leader when the people they go to NA with are dying all around them. It's just sad.
I sat at work today wearing the mask I've perfected that doesn't allow most to see the pain in my heart. I'm a pro at it now. I found myself just wanting to pack it in and take off just to breathe. It was a long day and sitting here tonight my heart aches for D's family, his child ... the fact that he is gone too soon. I know what his mom is feeling ~ how empty, pained and even that mom guilt we all have about "not being able to fix it".
Then there's the weighing worry about our niece and nephew. They are still in temporary foster care. Taking them in is a concern because we love them, we want them safe and I know we won't be able to let them go into full time foster care if that is the decision in June. We did get to talk to them this week and they sounded great. They had gotten our Easter mailing and our nephew his birthday presents. They were in great moods, silly and talkative. It made us both feel better having heard from them. It will be a huge change in our life but in the end - if it's meant to be, it will be. I just have to deal with the "mom guilt" I have about Randy Lee.
I pray our nation gets control over this drug problems. That we find a way to overcome addictions ... to end the cycle. I don't think Narcan is the answer in the hands of non-medical professionals but then I'm not sure what is the answer. Maybe we need to go back to simpler times and not be a society full of TV, Video games, movies, etc based in violence and death. I wish I knew the answer to save one more mom to know this horrible ache. That would be my wish.
Replies
I so wish none of us ever had to have this pain either, regardless of the cause. It is true we are losing too many from addiction and I am glad to hear some doctors are getting less frivolous about writing prescriptions. There is too much pain in this world and I wish it didn\'t have to be. All I can do is pray for those who are going through it. I wish I had more answers too, but I do not.
Sending love and prayers your way,
Leda
(((Hugs)))